There have been a lot of things that I have said that I no longer agree with. It's interesting because at the at the beginning of them, of saying them and and believing them, I've I've post-its of them, books have been underlined with their those quotes and mantras and sayings. Um, I held myself to those standards and I held others to those standards. And as I continue to learn about myself, as I continue to learn about others, using the Enneagram to kind of help me gain some additional insight and understanding, I'm changing my mind. I'm growing in my opinion on some things, and it's almost cringy to think about some of the things that I have said. Today I'm going to share with you six of those. There's lots of things, but that I could pull from. I originally thought I was going to do five, but then just recently I have added a sixth one to that list. So you'll you'll hear about that in this week's episode. Um, six things that I once really believed in that I no longer believe in. And I'm sharing those with you because I think the intention was to be helpful for some of those. And and maybe in fact they're actually more hurtful. So there's just kind of clearing that up. And then the uh the second thing is just to, I guess, remind us all. I have a reminder for myself that sometimes I'm hesitant to put things out. You might be hesitant to put things out too because you don't want to be judged, you don't want to get criticism, you don't want to get it wrong. But I think that's just part of that's just part of evolving, is, you know, to the best of your ability, you know, I'm not suggesting you recklessly share things, but I I know that's not the case with those of you that are listening to this. I my clients, I've had conversations. You're incredibly thoughtful and ref self-reflective about what you are sharing and questioning. And and so, you know, I know that you're not recklessly putting things out there. Um, but know that, yeah, maybe you might get it wrong sometimes. I've gotten it wrong at least six times that we're gonna talk about today. So know that I think that is that's uh that's evolving. That is the definition of evolving. There's a quote that I really like, and I'm gonna I'm gonna miss, I'm gonna missay her name. Um, it's Maquita Danielle Irvin. And she said, she has this quote that says she was completely whole, yet never fully complete. And I really like that because it just is reminding us that we are whole, right? We're a whole person. We don't need to be fixed, there's nothing wrong with us, and also we have that opportunity to continue to evolve. And um, I was gonna say grow. I actually have a thought on grow, and that's my first point. So without further ado, meet me inside if you're into hearing about the six things that I believed at one time and now no longer believe. Welcome to the Enneagram MBA Podcast, a show for aspiring and growing entrepreneurs and unfulfilled employees who know they are capable of playing bigger. If you are wanting to identify your gifts, find your purpose, do work that matters, and create a ripple effect that goes beyond yourself, you're in the right place. Each week you'll get resources, strategies, and support to help you get to know yourself, to get to know and understand others, like your future clients, and help you get known so that you can reach more people with your gifts and purpose. So grab your notebook or open up your notes app, and I will see you in class. I'm sure by now you've heard this quote: if you're not growing, you're dying. And that is one that I have absolutely lived my life by and have felt like I'm constantly chasing after being quote unquote the best version of myself. I'm trying to always have my best life, trying to be my best self, and always chasing that. And I no longer believe that if you're not growing, that you're dying. And I have that I held that standard to others too. Like, oh my gosh, well, your life is just gonna be terrible if you're not working on yourself all the time, if you're not growing. And I think the problem happens when we think we have to be growing all the time. So I no longer think that if you're not growing, you're dying, because I think growing is more of a season, like the plants, like the trees, right? They grow for a while and then they take a rest. They grow and then they take a rest. And I like that idea because that seems more actually doable and realistic and reflective of how it actually is. There are times in your life, no matter how many positive thoughts you have thought, no matter how how many amazing morning routine habits that you have, things happen and you you just are doing what you can to survive. And so you just might be in survival mode for a little bit, or you just might be in just being like, I don't want to work on myself anymore. I don't want to try and fix myself anymore. I just want to live my life, or maybe there's just one thing. I think this also happens when we talk about growing, is we want to be better in our relationships with our parenting skills, with our health, with our nutrition, with our business, with our friendships, with all these things. There's more that I'm I'm leaving out with our spiritual practices. We wanna we wanna be growing in all of the areas. I just have found that not to be a realistic goal. That that just typically is not how it happens. And so rather than feeling like you have to be growing all the time in all these areas, now I'm just kind of questioning what does just resting look like, or what does just being like what would happen if I didn't try and get better at something and I just walked through life? Like what would happen? And what would happen if, you know, I'm not saying that that's my mantra, that's my new philosophy forever, but what would happen if I just did it for a little while? Or what would happen if I just focused on getting better and growing in one or two areas and not try and tackle everything? And one really practical way that I'm I'm doing that right now is um I I am not exercising like I used to. I have a lot of guilt around that. I used to be a runner, a long distance runner. I ran two marathons and and sometimes it's like, oh, am I a runner? Yes, I'm a runner. Um I think we do that sometimes. It's like, well, if you are if you are writing a book, you are a writer, if you are um sharing your thoughts and opinions, you are a thought leader, right? So yes, I I used to be a long distance runner. And um I just there's just a lot of going on. There's a lot of things I'm trying to do. And um that has just fallen to the wayside. I'm still trying to, you know, eat decent enough, but that is something that I'm like, oh man, I should be, I should be training for another race. I need to be doing that. And I finally just had to say that is not a priority right now. My business is a priority, my parenting is a priority, spending time with my parents, my siblings is a priority. Um, making time for my relationships right now are the things that I want to grow on and focus in, focus in on. And that's okay. I know that things are gonna ebb and flow. And hopefully, as I do enjoy it, it's just you don't, you only have so many hours, right? Um, that that becomes more of a priority. And honestly, it's just not something I'm I have a strong desire for right now either. I think I want to, I think I feel like I should sometimes, but I just don't. And so there's probably things in your life where it feels like, oh, I should be wanting to grow my business. I should be wanting to, you know, fill in the blank. I'm sure you have your own. And um, there's just other things going on. Maybe you're just trying to not, you know, fall apart, or maybe you need to fall apart and you don't have time to grow and focus on being the best version of yourself and having your best life in every single area of your life. So that is one way that my belief has evolved. The other belief that I used to have is this idea of go big or go home. You only get one life. Don't, don't miss out, don't lose it, um, don't waste it. Um, you gotta, you gotta play big. And I really believe that. And I know that some of you really believe that too. And you're thinking, well, what the heck is wrong with that? I have realized um I do like that energy for myself sometimes. And then sometimes it feels like, oh my gosh, well, go big or go home. Well, I just won't start it then because I don't have the energy right now to go big, to go grand slam style. And so I just won't start. I just won't do it. And I think where I'm at right now with this is that it's okay to play small when you need to. If playing small helps you get started towards being the person that you want to be, having the life that you want to live, play small. I listened to um, I was at a leadership event last year, leader cast event in Cincinnati. And um the woman that hosts What the Pluck, oh my gosh, I'll have to look her up. She was so good. I hate that I'm blanking on her name right now. I thought I would remember it. Um, but she had shared um just taking small steps and not massive steps. And I really resonated with that because sometimes that small step, just doing the next small thing, is all that it takes to eventually get to the big goal, the big thing. And so play big or go home is not something I preach anymore or live my life by. It's like it now it's what's the what's just the next right step? What I what's the smallest step that I can take to get started in doing this thing that I have said that matters to me and it does matter to me. This the third thing that I've said that I no longer believe is that I I did a whole training on this, an entire training on your personal brand. And I said that it's not about you, your personal brand is about others. And I think there is a little truth to that, but I also think that your personal brand really is all about you and how you want to show up. And both, you know, you can't control what other people think of you, and I think is why this idea is evolving. And also if you're creating this personal brand and the this business and the these uh methods and services and products for people to buy, it is incredibly important that it is about you and that you are going to enjoy delivering it. If you're just focused on you only want to make money, yes, the focus on building something that other people want and need, and that's the only thing, that's the only focus, do that. What I think now is that it's a combination. It absolutely, though, has to start with you. And I think the more that you understand yourself and you can use the Enneagram as an incredible tool to help you do that. Um, what gives you energy, what drains you, how you process information, how you see the world, creating something first from that place and then putting it out there, getting feedback, seeing how it fits a need. And it it kind of depends, you know, if you're creating art, I don't know that art needs to fill a need. Um, right. So, but I guess we're talking about getting paid for your services and products. Um, then yes, you absolutely need to consider others, but it's about you and then about what other people need and want and overlapping that. But that is something I said a lot that your brand is not about you. And then along those same lines, I talked a lot about being authentic. And you have to have, you have to be authentic when you're putting yourself out there. People want to see the real you, want to see the authentic you. I no longer believe that authenticity is the end all be all. Now, what I believe, and all these may evolve, is that intentionality trumps authenticity. And here's why I think you can still be intentional about how authentic you are. I also think that intentionality with how you're spending your time, how you're capturing your authenticity, how you're sharing your your behind the scenes, how much you're working. It all really the the biggest thing now in building the this personal brand business and sharing your knowledge and creating products and services around that really comes down to being intentional, intentionally tapping into your strengths, being intentional about how you navigate around roadblocks, being intentional about how you position your products and your services. And authenticity is a part of that. But I also don't think that you know you need to be sharing your diary. Um, and maybe this is my belief, right? Maybe so. Maybe people would love that. Um, but I believe right now, when you are putting things out for people to buy, intentionality is more important than authenticity because then you will be intentional about how authentic you choose to be, how much of yourself you choose to share, you choose to give to others versus how much of that of yourself you just hold for yourself. You just keep for your close circle of friends and family. Right? So that's where I'm at on that right now. Um, some of you might may disagree sharply with with me because I know that is that is a big one right now. Um, and then the other thing that I said is that being, I I would wish I actually did a whole podcast on my old podcast called the Social Scholars Podcast, um, about why I would wish being a single mom on anybody. And it's so it's so out of touch. Okay. I'm embarrassed. I'm gonna leave it up, but I'm embarrassed. I'm not gonna run for office. So I guess that it does, it's uh it's there. I don't, I don't, I think there's some things in there that maybe are are helpful. I most of it it's not, it's just cringy. So I don't believe in that anymore. I I am a single mom, but I have the most incredible parents, I have the most incredible sister and brother, friends. I was um I went up to to meet friends and in um at the time I had moved back to Louisville, I met them in Indy for a football game. They had all driven down from Chicago, and they each brought a ginormous thing of diapers. And I have a photo, I I love it so much. It's just a photo of the back of my car filled with diapers. And I love that photo because it just represents like how loved and taken care of I really am, even though I don't feel that way sometimes. And you know, that there were some absolutely some hard times, um, just some stressful times, of course. That's parenting. And what I had said in the podcast episode was like, oh, you don't have to, this is so seven of me to say, so like tone-deaf seven of me to say. I was like, you don't have to listen, you don't have to uh check in with anybody else. You get to make your own decisions, you have the freedom and the autonomy to, you know, do parenting how you want to do it, and you don't have to have the conflict that you that most people do with their partners. And I'm so glad I'm a single mom. Well, I'm I have the luxury of being able to focus on that thing because I have had such an incredible, like I don't even feel like a single mom. Like sometimes I don't even identify with that because I have had an abundance of help and support and love. And um, that is absolutely not the case for the majority of single moms. And they're they're struggling. I have felt that financial struggle too. I have always had a backup, I have always had somebody to fall back on. Um, I will never, there was never a true scare that I was going to be homeless. There was never a true scare that I wasn't gonna have enough gas to drive my son to school or daycare. Um, it felt it got close. I had those moments, but I always, if I was humble enough to go ask for help, I had that help waiting for me. A lot of women do not have that backup. They don't have that person to lean on. It's themselves. And so I regret thinking that way. I regret saying that. Um I think that that's just, you know, a testament to um how the the more that we can not make our own stories and our experiences, um, other people's stories and experiences, and that they're completely different. And the reason why somebody is the way that they are is because of all those things that they've had to go through. Um, I I'm, you know, I'm learning more and more about um how harmful actually the the whole, if I can do it, you can do it kind of marketing is because I don't we you have that that person saying that has a completely different story than somebody else who is dealing with some legit trauma and maybe they they haven't um over have haven't healed it. Maybe the person saying, if I can do it, you can do it too, is at a place where maybe they also have gone through that and they've healed and this is their story. But it's just I I I dislike that type of marketing message so much. The more I realize how much crap people are going through and have had to go through, and how different our experiences are. I I really have a I'm tricked, maybe that's something I need to explore, but very much triggered by that. If I can do it, you can do it too, kind of um mentality. I had that. I was like, if I can be a single mom, anybody can be a single mom. This is why I would wish it on people. In fact, I'm gonna wish it on people. Um, oh my gosh, so out of touch. So the more you know, right, the more that you can understand and have empathy and compassion and and and see um where others might be coming from. So if you have said those things, I have said those things, um, you know, you can just do better. When you know, when you know better, you you do better. Um, and then the last thing, this might actually be let me count here. Let's see. One, two, three, four, five. Okay, I've done five. I had one more though that I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if I was gonna talk about the single mom one because I didn't know if it was super relevant to the Enneagram or personal branding, but I threw that in there because of the, you know, if I can do it, you can do it. Dangerous, I think not at all helpful marketing messages that that you see a lot out there. Um, and then the last one that I will offer that I have said, and again, I have a whole list. This is why I'm going over five because I have so many on here. But the last one is I've always said feelings aren't facts. And this is a new one. This is a new one that I am learning and letting go of. Feelings aren't facts. And I think when we're talking about public health, when we're talking about science, when we're talking about math, you know, objective things, uh, yes, we absolutely need to be questioning is this someone's opinion? Is it based in fact? Um, where's the research, the analysis, the studies, right? I I'm not saying that. What I am saying is in our relationships, really, um, and I have said this, I've said this to my boyfriend, and I no longer believe this. So I'll have to tell him that I no longer believe this because I'm trying to think if I've I've updated him on my new belief here. But I'm saying feelings aren't facts, but you know what? I do believe that feelings are facts. I do believe that. And I think a lot of times for me and for those of us who you know, I'm thinking of threes, I'm think thinking of sevens. Um Some of the other types where we feelings are are our repressed center of intelligence, um, or it's it's not our our top one for sure. Um, we can feel like, gosh, feelings are so ineffective. Move those to the side. We don't have time for that. That is not true. It's getting in the way of accomplishing the goal, or we're not being productive here, focusing on the feelings. What are the facts? I think that the facts, the feelings are in the facts. Facts are in the feelings, feelings are in the facts. Um, because I actually looked up the definition for feelings or facts. It said one of them is information used as evidence or as part of a report or news article. Um the there's another definition that says the truth about events as opposed to interpret interpretation. Um, and then another one was if it's described as a noun, it's a thing that is known or proved to be true. And how you feel is true. Okay. And I think that in our relationships, and this is a huge benefit of the Enneagram for me, is that I am seeing that just because sometimes I'm uncomfortable with my own feelings and other people's feelings, I want to push them aside. And also, um, I I I can um I don't want to feel bad about myself. And so when somebody tells me they I made them feel a certain way, well, facts aren't feelings. Get over it. This is what really happened. This is what I really meant by that. But the fact that you had those feelings, that is a fact. That is evidence of how you feel. Something I said hurt you. That is a fact. And so I think for that is just to maybe reflect on your own beliefs around that. You know, there's some of you that are gonna be, yes, I've been saying this forever. I am on the facts are or feelings are facts trained. And there's probably some of you that are like, no way, can't get on board with that. But so, you know, for those of you who maybe are more like me in that way, um, just kind of thinking and and and reframing. Here's the seven reframing, um, how what really is a fact. And again, in science, if you're reporting something on the news or in a study, of course, you don't want to include feelings, but feelings in these types of conversations and communication, those are facts. How somebody feels is an important part of conflict negotiation. Um, I'm reading a book now called Ask for More, and there's a whole chapter about how you feel and understanding how the other person feels. And this woman is like a trainer for you, the United Nations and coming up with negotiations. Like she is the real deal. There's two chapters, I guess, um, dedicated to how you feel and how the other person feels. So feelings are incredibly important. They are clues, they are evidence, they are, they are facts in those situations and should not be dismissed and heard, and or they should not be dismissed, they should be heard and listened to and empathized with and um just taken into consideration more for those of us who aren't doing that. There are some of us that are already doing that, we're all you're already over all over it. Um maybe it's you know, you're taking it too much. Uh what is too much, I don't know, but I don't know that definition for you. But um just you reflect on that and question that. And um, that's really the intention for today's episode is just to know that the more that you learn, you're going to evolve. And it is okay to change your mind. So as we wrap this one up, I'm gonna leave you with a quote I came across when I was just looking at some things about changing your mind. And there's a gentleman that said, um, his name is George Bernard Shaw, who said, progress is impossible without change. And those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. And so, you know, sometimes changing your mind or getting it wrong or telling somebody that they having somebody tell you they disagree with you can sting. It might be something you want to avoid at all costs, it maybe is embarrassing. Um, I'm trying to think of some of the things I've felt, but you know, that is part of growth is being willing to change your mind. And so whether you're doing it on your own time behind you know closed doors, or you're getting more comfortable sharing your thoughts and feeling and feelings and opinions um online as you connect more with your audience, as you connect more with your clients and customers, um, what however you're doing it, to know that you know the Enneagram can be such an incredible tool to help you start to understand what are some of those beliefs and opinions and thoughts that you have been holding on to, maybe unconsciously, maybe on autopilot. And then by shining a light on them, you start to question things about yourself, opinions you've had about yourself, about others, about the way the world works, and then may even start to question it, like, oh my gosh, wait, if not everybody sees the world like me, or have had the same past experiences or have the same values, then yeah, maybe this isn't true for everyone. Um, or maybe there's another way to look at this. And that is beautiful, it's it's awesome, it's um definitely a sign of growth. So, you know, some of these things were embarrassing to share with you today, but hopefully it gives you um, I don't know, just to know that if you happen to say something that you disagree with a year later or you're cringing over, um, I'm right there with you. So, with that, here's to changing our minds. I'll see you back here next week for another this or that mini training episode.