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You're listening to the Enneagram at Work Podcast, a show about understanding people at work, including yourself. I'm your host, Sarah Wallace, and I'm looking forward to diving into this week's episode with you. All right, today we are talking all about our type three, and in the context of what are some things to keep in mind when we're giving our type three teammate or the type three that we lead feedback? What are some strengths we want to make sure that we're paying attention to and highlighting in those feedback or touch point conversations? Or maybe a more formal performance review. And what does it look like when a three's strengths are overused? What is the power of the that makes sense statement? We'll talk about that. We're going to look at some specific growth opportunities where it's kind of going to be the biggest bang for your buck uh guidance there using the arrows and the resource points. And then we're going to overlay, we're going to use those three points and overlay three specific emotional competencies that give additional guidance and are just kind of some specific, some specific guidance for how a three, for what kind of growth path a three might want to look at taking. And we're not recommending uh all three at one time, but out of those three options, maybe there's one that feels most compelling to that three. And then lastly, we're gonna look at uh what are just a handful of things to keep in mind when you are delivering this feedback and when you're delivering the growth development plans and uh opportunities, some things to keep in mind. Now, as I've said, uh this is a series. You're if you're joining us for the first time, welcome. I hope to be able to say welcome back to you soon. Uh, if you are a returning listener, welcome back. We are in the middle of a series on using the Enneagram specifically with feedback and in performance reviews. So we have covered six, seven, eight, nine, one, two up until this point. So those are in the library to listen to. We have today, and then we have four and five coming up in the next few weeks. So something I look forward to. Uh, and so the intention of this is not to replace whatever strategy or process your organization already has. Um, as a manager, it's just to give you some additional things to pay attention to, expand your language, give you some additional language that is more specific. In other episodes, we have talked about even when uh team members will get compliments or, you know, during a feedback session, uh, you know, somebody will highlight their a manager will highlight their success. I hear in workshops a lot that say, oh, it's just, you know, it's just kind of like good job, well done, keep it up. And so we're going through the strengths in the in this series too, uh, to give managers uh an opportunity or just a friendly reminder and some some things to pay attention to that in this case, a type three tends to do really well. So make sure that you are highlighting that, that when you say great job, great job in in what specific way? What specifically do you want me to keep up? Um, and so that can be really meaningful and really motivating when uh you're hearing specifically the great things that you're doing well. So we'll we're actually gonna start there. Let's let's get into it. So, as a reminder, our type three is striving to feel outstanding. They are very focused on success, a successful image, um you know, uh accomplishing a lot. They tend to be very action-oriented. Um, they tend to be very uh task uh oriented as well. And uh they have many strengths. One of their top strengths include their ability for around efficiency. So this type uh is action-oriented, and then it's how can we get to the goal, to the result in the most efficient way possible. And so I have said this before that sometimes threes struggle the most in these uh team trainings and workshops because it feels like it's slowing down their progress to hit their goal or get to their result for the day. And it feels like, gosh, I don't understand like how this is connected to any of my goals. And so it can feel like a waste of time and feel really frustrating because that efficiency piece is so important. They tend to be incredibly ambitious. You can count on them to get the job done, to do the job well. Um, they are task-oriented and goal-oriented. I had a coffee mug for our type threes at one point that said, um, uh, goal setting is my love language. And, you know, who doesn't love a good goal? Threes love a good goal, something to work towards. They love exceeding standards, they love uh producing results, they can be highly focused, they can also be very inspiring to work next to because um their leadership style is known as the pace setter. And so that kind of ties into that in being an inspiring teammate as well, because they are in the trenches, they are in there, uh you, they are they're working hard, they're meeting their goals, um, they are excelling actually at their goals, and they could that can be very inspiring to work next to um, high performing, uh lead by example, and they tend to have quite a bit of confidence as well. Now, when those strengths get overdone, our type threes can set unrealistic expectations as far as maybe how much they think can get done in a certain amount of time, um, and like the standard for some of those things. And while it can feel like excellence and feel inspiring to them on the receiving end, it can feel a little unrealistic. And sometimes they can do this to themselves too, and set themselves up for failure, which is the thing they want to avoid the most. But it's because, you know, they're taking on multiple things and it's hard to juggle and be excellent and uh, you know, be a plus student and 10 different things, right? On 10 different projects. Um, sometimes they, and this can be a strength as well, uh, they can be almost too good at spinning things in order to look good. So spinning a failure, spinning bad news, uh, spinning a challenge, uh, so that they look good. And uh, you know, this is kind of the the job of the PR, your PR team to do this. So it is definitely a gift. And when it becomes an overuse strength, I think is when um maybe, you know, uh maybe then you're putting the fault on another team, another team member because you've spinned it in a way, spun it in a way that makes you look good, um, or that type three spins it in a way to make themselves look good. Um, or you're not facing um, you know, reality. You know, we need to face that this was, you know, a failed attempt. And so instead of though, you know, dwelling on it, like let's let's pull some lessons learned, but let's also not, you know, spin it so that we look good, we we need to take some lessons learned from here. Um, taking on too much, we just kind of talked about that. It can be hard to know because of this kind of constantly like spinning and crafting their image, very curated image that they want to put out of success, of accomplishment, of desirability, um, of uh what else? What else? Yeah, they just have this this it's a very intentional image. Like what you see is what they want you to see, typically. And so that can be hard because you we talked about this a little bit with the type one too, who are striving to feel perfect and put out this kind of perfectly polished image, similar to a three here. Um, and it could be hard to know because it's like, gosh, is this person even real? They're just they're good at everything, they're they they win at everything. So uh that can be that can be challenging um as a teammate who works alongside them. Uh, they will they can sometimes do things just for their recognition. Uh they are great individual contributors, but then they can fall into this individual contributor syndrome where when they may be looking to advance in their career and take on a leadership role, it can it can be very challenging for a threes because that requires delegation, that might require, you know, team effort. And sometimes, you know, somebody may not be able to do it as quickly or as efficiently or as well as they can. And so that that relationship with delegation can be a struggle and they'll just keep on taking on more or not allow their teammates to have opportunities for growth. Um, it can also be hard because they they like that recognition that if they're delegating some of the work that they've been great at or the client list that they've, you know, they've used in those relationships to to get to where they are now, to pass that off and allow somebody else to get the credit, can feel really hard. So that will always be kind of a staple, not always, but that will be a common uh challenge for our type threes. Um they may sometimes too on the receiving end feel like they overdo bringing attention to their own accomplishments and not giving credit to their teammates or to you know circumstances that allowed them to, you know, be where they are. It's it's kind of like, well, look, look, I worked hard, I did this, um, look at look at how good I am. And again, I don't know that threes would say that they do this. Um, it just can sometimes feel that way when you're watching from the outside or are on the receiving end of it. The arrow points or the resource points for our type three is type six and type nine. And uh I like the term resource points because you they can get threes have a lot to gain from each of those points. Now, the type nine is known as their stress point. Um, but even within that stress point, there's a lot of growth opportunities and and different ways of thinking and behaviors um that they can kind of pull in and and still present as a three, but just pulling those things in um to enhance their threeness in certain situations. And for a nine, um, or that nine, those nine growth opportunities are this uh nines are striving to feel at peace. So um threes have opportunity to kind of bring in some of that calmness, maybe a a slow, a slower pace, um, not so you know, push forward, uh, you know, a little maybe aggressive at times, but really action-oriented. Again, we don't want to put that out in the three. That is a gift of a three, a strength of a three. We need that, but there may be times where that needs to be dialed back a bit and maybe some more kind of calm, um, slowing down, allowing others to contribute their opinions. This is one of the staples of a nine, is this inclusivity, consensus building? Um, and yes, does that take extra time to hear everybody's opinion? Could that slow down the pro quote unquote slow down the process a little bit? Sure. Um, and that can be a challenge for a three, but it can also be an opportunity for growth, especially in a leadership position where other people feel really included and they feel like a part of the process and they feel like you're hearing them and they're being asked their opinions, and that feels really good. So threes can take that on. Um, valuing other people's wants and perspectives, and then um practicing contentment. This is something that sevens also need to work on in different ways, but threes are always kind of wanting more, wanting more success. Um feel like they're not doing enough. It's never enough. And when they can channel some of that nine energy, they can bring in some of that contentment, some of that just being at peace with the present, being at peace with what is. Uh, the six is known as their growth arrow, and there's also a lot of opportunities here. Sixes are striving to feel secure. This also happens to be the type that threes will tend to want to initially anyway neglect the most because threes are striving to feel outstanding. Sixes are striving to feel secure. To feel secure, you're looking for safety, you're gonna look for that status quo, you're gonna maybe be a little bit more risk-adverse, a little slower to act, um, a little more comfortable blending in with the rest of the group rather than being outstanding. Um, and so that can feel like indirect conflict with that, striving to feel outstanding initially. Uh, but sixes tend to be really good at being attuned to the group. They tend to be very people focused, uh, looking out for the common good, not just for their own self-interests, tend to be incredibly collaborative. Um, they they tend to be a little bit more self-revealing as well, um, and aware of other other people's feelings and how other people are doing. And so there's a lot in there that a three um can tap into to, you know, kind of bring some balance um and enhance the strengths that they already have. Uh and some of that, you know, by bringing in some of that energy can can help with that individual contributor syndrome that we talked about, taking on too much. Um, others might view the three as, you know, being too self-promotional or doing things just for the for the accomplishment and recognition. And when you tap into the sixth, a lot of that uh kind of kind of gets uh what is the word I'm looking for? A lot of that kind of goes away because you're bringing in that cooperativeness, those that others focused, uh, people focused. So there's some there are a lot of opportunities in both of those around consensus building. Um the emotional competencies that then we can overlay over these three types are uh for our. So we got three, we have six, and we have nine. So we have transparency as an emotional competency opportunity. We have teamwork and we have empathy. So transparency is tied to the type three, and type threes tend to struggle with transparency because they're constantly crafting, constantly curating that that successful, accomplished image. Um, and they have those an opportunity to become a um a better leader, a better teammate when they open themselves up a bit more. And they don't have to obviously share their deepest, darkest secrets or share their diary, or you know, go into detail about every failure. Um, you know, they they get a pick and choose who they are transparent with. Um, but being a little bit more transparent about past failures or struggles uh can make that three feel a little bit more human and people can feel a little bit more connected to them. It's like, gosh, I'm really struggling with this. And well, and knowing that they struggle with this, you know, I feel like we're we're in it together and we can figure it out together. Um, transparency is defined as, let's see, where do I have that here? May and it's uh it's under a self-management competency. We have self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management competencies. And transparency is under self-management and it's defined as maintaining standards of honesty and integrity. Now, this isn't does this doesn't mean that um they are bad or corrupt or you know, purposely deceiving people, but it's just because that successful image is so important to them, they may spin you know the story a bit or bend the truth a bit. Uh let's see. So our six, the competency associated with the type six here is teamwork. Teamwork is under the relationship management competencies. It is defined as working with others towards a shared goal, participating actively, sharing responsibility and rewards, and contributing to the capability of the team. And so we have kind of already talked about why this might be a good one for our type three who may struggle with individual, uh, you know, being an outstanding uh, you know, five-star contributor, individual contributor, but may struggle a bit when it comes to the group. Um and it's not just because of the recognition, it's also because of the pace sometimes. It's that efficiency, they're slowing us down. Um, there is some opportunity for growth, especially as that three moves into more of a leadership position. And then the last one is under others' awareness, and that's this idea of empathy. Nines tend to just naturally be really empathetic, attuned to, um, and attuned and really care about how everybody else is doing. And empathy here is defined as the awareness and participation in others' feelings, ideas, and needs. And again, I I don't think that this one is necessarily a struggle for a three because they don't care about people, because they're not, you know, people, people. Um, I I do think they have big hearts. I think they care about people. I think that they they want their team to be successful. They all want to be successful, they all want to hit the goal, they all want to get the rewards. Um, I think sometimes this one for threes can be hard because, you know, dealing with feelings, dealing with people's, you know, the different opinions, it just goes back to that it slows, it slows you down. It can be, it can slow you down. If somebody's gonna, you know, if you're you're on a tight deadline or you're working towards a big goal and or you're working on a big project and somebody comes in your office to talk about, you know, something difficult, uh, maybe a conflict they're having with another team member, or you know, you ask them how their day is and and they respond. And, you know, maybe they had a pet pass away or something hard happen um at home. Uh, not that you don't care as a type three. It it just is like, oh man, I wasn't, uh, I was I was really focused. I was really focused on the work that I was doing. I wasn't prepared to have this conversation. And now I'm I'm annoyed and frustrated because I'm not able to work on what I wanted to work on. And now I'm being kind of pulled away by this conversation that doesn't feel like it's aligned at all with the the results or the goal. Um, but it but ultimately, you know, uh there is some, there's always some opportunity for growth in this area to to slow down, to, to build relationships. You obviously we can't be all relationship focused all the time. Goals need to be set, tasks need to be done, we need to check those off. Um, but I do think that there are some opportunities for our threes here around that. So we have talked about um, we've talked about the strengths, overusing the strengths, um, some specific growth opportunities when it comes to the connecting types, the the six and the nine. We've overlaid the emotional competencies. The last Two pieces of this is the implementation plan or the action plan. And this is taking the information that we've covered and putting it into some sort of action plan, which I know our threes are going to appreciate. And I have a three-phase kind of plan. You can use the plan, you can use it to inspire the process that you already have. You can use it as informal uh conversation starters. But the first phase is growing your awareness. So you want to identify the goal. So for our three, let's say, let's see, what do we want to pick? Maybe it's transparency. As a three, I wanna I wanna get better at my transparency. Okay. What are your current behaviors that maybe are in conflict with that goal now of transparency? Well, you know, I always put my, you know, I spin things, I never um talk about my failures, I never talk about what I'm struggling with when I'm nervous, I never bring that up. So what are those current behaviors that kind of are in conflict with that goal? Now you want to list the impacts of that current behavior on your career advancement as well as your team. Well, it's difficult, it's more challenging for me to build meaningful relationships because um, you know, I don't take the time to share about myself, uh, whatever that might be. Then, lastly, you want to list the potential benefits on the team, on your career advancement with this new goal of being more transparent. What might happen? What might happen to you as a as a leader? What might happen if you're leading a three and they got better at transparency? What opportunities and benefits are available to them with this new goal of transparency? The second part is understanding the inevitable obstacles that are going to come up. So the first thing to think about here is identify how the preferred strategy. So in this case, the preferred strategy of the type three is striving to feel outstanding. Identify how striving to feel outstanding is in conflict with the goal of transparency. Well, if you're striving to feel outstanding and the goal is being transparent, I mean, you're not outstanding and successful and accomplished and perfect all the time every day, right? So it can feel like, oh, well, I won't look as outstanding if I, you know, share a struggle that I'm having or share a failure that I had. I then I that will be in conflict with my outstandingness. Um, but what we want to do, we don't want to change the motive, we don't want to change that core strategy. That's not sustainable. Um, what we want to do instead is reframe the preferred strategy so that it aligns with the goal. So, how can we change the meaning? So we just shared, oh, initially, this is what it feels like it means, but what's a different story? How can we change the narrative? How can we reframe it so that striving to feel outstanding actually aligns with being more transparent? Well, you know, I will have, you know, more outstanding relationships. I will be a more outstanding leader if I am open with my team about struggles and failures, uh, you know, current challenges that that we are facing, that I am facing. Um, I can actually have more outstanding, I can be even more outstanding by being more transparent. And then the last phase of this is planning and practicing. So we want to identify some specific actions or new ways of thinking. So, what's a, you know, how do you how do you need to shift your thought process? What specific actions are you going to do to be more transparent? Um, is it, you know, project debriefs that include, you know, not um beating yourself or anybody else up, but hey, let's look and see uh what went really well. And then let's also take an honest look at what we could have done better and what we learned from that. Um, you know, there's there's gonna be other things that you think of that are that are more aligned with your role and in the your specific organization that will make for great uh actions and new ways of thinking here. Is there who else needs to be involved? Who else needs to be involved to help support this new goal? Is it somebody at work, somebody at home, somebody outside of those two places? Who else needs to be involved to help you in this new goal? And then lastly, how will you know that you are making progress with this goal? Is it um, you know, just feedback that you're getting from the team? Um is it uh speed feedback from your manager? What it what does it look like? What does progress look like in being more transparent? How do you feel? What are you saying? What are you doing when you are more transparent or when your team member is more transparent? So that's how you can kind of take somebody from information to implementation based on all the information that we just learned about our type three. And this part is really important. I think I harped on this a little bit more with our type two episode too, and just that, you know, it's it is so fun, maybe not for all of our threes, but it can be so fun to sit through a workshop or read about the Enneagram and learn more about your type, learn more about your other teammates and their types. Um, and and that is it is needed, it is fun, it is helpful. Um, the problem happens is when we just stay there. We just kind of stay in learning mode and we don't ever pause and practice. And this, I love this little three-phase exercise because it gives you some very practical, tangible things to do to start to apply and practice your type growth opportunities in real life. All right, so the last thing that I want to touch on is just a couple of things to consider when you're giving feedback to a three. And as I said with all of these, and I'll say it again here for our three, um, this is a starting point. Some threes may hate this advice, you know. So be use it with caution, but it could be a great place. I've been saying, you know, you could say, hey, I I heard um that a type three tends to prefer these three things um in a feedback meeting. Like, is that accurate for you? Would you add anything? What would you definitely not want uh out of this list? What feels true for you? So that you know, you're getting to know your teammate regardless of you know what type they most identify with, but but having some of this can be a starting point. So for our type threes, when they're receiving feedback, they want to know how their performance is measured and what they can do to rise to the top. Those two things are very important to a three. Um, they they want to know, okay, so if you're telling me I'm doing a good job, like what's the what's the metrics here? Like what how are you how are you judging this? Or if I'm not doing a good job, if you're saying that there's room for improvement, well, show me like what are you, what specifically are you tracking to come up with this? Um there, you know, some types aren't gonna care as much. Three is very much want to know they are all about performance. And so they want to know the ins and outs of how they're being measured on their performance, and they want to know how can I get to the next level? What's the next level for me? What do you see as the next level for me? Give me some specific uh, you know, ideas and strategies for getting to that next level. They want their feedback to be results focused. They want it to be very clear, all about concise feedback. So last week we talked about the type two, maybe appreciating a little rapport building before just diving into a feedback conversation. So as a manager, maybe setting aside an extra five, 10, 15 minutes to kind of chit-chat. Um, whereas a three, not gonna care. Nope, not gonna care as much. Uh, they just wanna just sit down in the meeting. Typically, they just want to get into it, and we don't need to talk about our weekends, you know. Let's just tell me what I need to know. Um, and then of course, as we've talked about, it's really important that whatever those kind of key performance indicators are that you're tracking or they're how you're tracking their results, they want to know how it's all connected to the goal. What's the goal? What's their goal? What's the company goal? What's the team goal? And and then how are their uh specific action items connected to that? It's gonna be really important for our three. So again, not all threes, but it's a great starting point. So um we've covered, we've covered a lot when it comes to thinking about giving feedback to a three, sitting down, maybe doing a more formal kind of performance review with a three. Um, and and they don't mind these things. Like they they want to know for the most part how they're doing and and they're okay with some constructive criticism. Um they most likely, most threes most of the time will welcome that because they want to get better. Um, they they want to get to the next level. So tell me, yeah, right. Tell me what I'm, you know, what I need to work on so that I can get there. Um they're gonna, so you know, it's just here are some specific things today that we've talked about that they're gonna appreciate and some things that might that might uh frustrate or annoy them in that feedback process. So I appreciate you being here. This is something uh that we talk about in our trainings and our workshops and our programs. So if you are interested in bringing the Enneagram and specifically how to use it to give constructive feedback, meaningful, productive feedback, uh, you can check out our options over at Enneagramba.com. Uh we'll sometimes weave this into half day or full day training. Sometimes we'll have a whole half day or full day on uh leadership development and this being a huge piece of it, performance, uh growth opportunities, growth development is a huge piece of it, and using the Enneagram in those ways. So uh start over at Enneagram MBA. That's a great place to start uh getting familiar with our style, if we're a fit. Um you can set up a call and we can talk more about your specific team and vision for a training in the future. So I appreciate you listening. I appreciate you being here today. And uh we have type four and five coming up. So come back if those are relevant to to somebody on your team, and we'll see ya in the next one.