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You're listening to the Enneagram at Work Podcast, a show about understanding people at work, including yourself. I'm your host, Sarah Wallace, and I'm looking forward to diving into this week's episode with you. Well, welcome back to another episode here on the Enneagram at Work Podcast. I am your host today, Sarah Wallace, and I recently just got back from a conference speaking event where I had the opportunity to bring the Enneagram to a group of business owners, leaders in their industry down in Orlando, Florida. It was with the Florida Pest Management Association. And I don't know that I typically think, oh, the pest management industry is tromping at the bit for the Enneagram. But this group was so impressive. They had done multiple uh team development, leadership development sessions at this conference within their own companies. And it was just a really inspiring group to be around. So we did a two-hour presentation plus breakout experience where I introduced the nine types through the lens of leadership styles to the attendees. And then we had a really fun opportunity to break out by type. And as always, people had an opportunity to get up and leave if they felt like, you know, this these questions really aren't for me, or the answers that are being shared here. Like, I think I'm gonna go try on another type. So that was fun, and then get getting to hear from the different groups. And um, ironically, it rained. Uh, here in Louisville, Kentucky, we had had a 11-inch snowstorm that we were still digging out of uh three weeks later. And so I thought, oh, good, I'll go to Florida and get some sunshine. And what did you know? It was actually snowing in some parts of Florida that week. Uh, not where I was, but we were getting rain. So that was a bummer, but the people, the event itself was so well organized, so well put together, and the people were um really, really inspiring to be around. So that that's kind of fun coming back to uh just carrying that energy, that hive from from meeting those people in that event. Today we're gonna look at a specific matchup in the workplace, a common challenge or dynamic that might take place. And again, we're just looking kind of stereotypically common tendencies. This does not mean all threes are always this way every time and will forever always be this way, and nines are always gonna be this way, always do these things. And so I do want to preface it with that, but we are gonna look at a project dynamic between the type three and the type nine. And this is this has been a real life situation that has come up um in the past before. And so I thought, well, let's let's make it a podcast topic. Uh, maybe we'll learn something, whether you're a three, whether you're a nine, or maybe you work with one or both of these, and this will give you some better insight into what might be going on with them, how you might be able to better work with them. Now, as always, this is lighthearted, fun, um never any intention to make someone feel attacked or personally offend anyone, just kind of giving high-level tendencies of the type that might be helpful for for you to understand yourself and others to understand you. So have we ever been in that group setting where there's one person who is just naturally and almost immediately takes charge, kind of runs the whole thing, while maybe there's another person on the team who maybe quietly starts to vanish into the background. This could be a type three and type nine dynamic here. Uh, you know, sometimes we'll have our type three, who is the overachiever. Their leadership style is known as the pace setter because they are in the trenches with their teams, shoulder to shoulder, getting in there, helping, hands-on, doing it. Um, this person naturally will step into leadership roles, um, step up when needed. And then we have on the other side at times this more easygoing, kind of go with the flow, subtly drift into a role. Um, and sometimes will, I said I should say many times, we'll end up drifting into one of the supporting roles and become the supporter versus the leader. So that's kind of the dynamic. Uh, you may see yourself in one of those two, or you may recognize someone on your team. Now, why does this happen? So here's the situation, but but why does this happen? Well, there could be all kinds of reasons, but we're listening to the Enneagram at Work podcast. So we're gonna look at, we're gonna use the Enneagram to look at this situation, maybe give us some understanding. So, as a reminder, our type three is motivated by um there at the end of the day, they are striving to feel outstanding. They want to feel outstanding. That is the feeling need that is influences, influences their thinking, that then influences their behavior, striving to feel outstanding. And they are motivated by achievement and efficiency and recognition. And our type nine is striving to feel at peace. And this is inner peace and outer peace. I want to be at peace with the people, I want to be at peace inside as well. And they're focused on uh being in harmony with others, bringing harmony to the environment, avoiding conflict. So you can kind of start to see, okay, um there could be there could be a lot of uh great synergy here, a lot of great balance, but I could see maybe where maybe some friction could happen in this dynamic. So the type threes will typically show up to win, period. It doesn't matter if if winning is just getting the best team rating on a project that nobody else really cares about, they will be there to win it. They're in it to win it, um, regardless of how high the stakes are. Whereas a nine, they're gonna be more focused on achieving that piece, even if that means letting somebody else take the reins, so be it. Honestly, that that actually takes the pressure off me to feel like I have to step in. Um, and and sometimes nines will appreciate that. Um, but some but where the problems can start to happen is the three will take on too much, maybe get their hands on other people's roles and responsibility, maybe just think, oh, I can do it better, I can do it faster. And eventually they keep doing that over and over with every project and every situation and every role. That that's a great recipe for burnout. Um, and then the nines might think, oh, the three's got it. Um, I'll just let them lead, I'll let them share their opinion, their thoughts, we'll do what they want. And nobody's asking me what I want. So I'm just gonna pull back, pull back, pull back. And the nine can become really disengaged in this group dynamic. All right. So we've talked about the situation, why, what might be causing this. Now, what do we do about it? Well, there are a couple things that we can look at, reflect on, think about, try, practice that might create a really great balance, pulling in the strengths of both of these, leveraging the strengths. This dynamic can be a really powerful partnership that can be very powerful co-contributors on a project. And so we'll look at maybe how we can use some of that and where might the friction come up and what we could do about that. So the first step is we just have to, we have to kind of acknowledge that dynamic. So it is, it's just, hey, as a three, I tend to push or maybe pull people along. Um, and maybe I do it too hard. Maybe I push too hard, pull too hard, and you might notice that people are starting to check out or just check shaking their heads and nodding. Um, maybe you're not getting a lot of interaction because people are thinking, well, this person has it, so we'll just let them take over. There may that might be a clue that hey, maybe I'm doing too much here. Maybe I've taken over. As a nine, you really want to be aware and resist the urge just to just to fade out. Nobody cares what I think. Um, nobody's asking me what what I what we should do. Nobody's assigning me any important roles. I'm just gonna disappear into the background. I'm gonna be very careful about that. Notice when you do it, you gotta change that story. Your ideas do matter, your opinion absolutely counts. The group needs your perspective. And I'm not just saying that. Nines will bring incredible insight and perspective because they're able to see all sides. Um, they have a really open, they tend to have a really open viewpoint um of the world, and they just bring a really unique perspective that any group, any team can really benefit from. So nines, remind yourself of that when you when you catch yourself saying this story to yourself that nobody cares what you think. All right, so the first thing is we have to acknowledge what's going on. So bring some awareness to it. And then step two is when we know what type of dynamics are gonna be on this team, we can early on be very clear when we sign a role. Who's gonna do what? Do that early on. So we're not, we're not having these types of conflicts or these issues. Probably gonna have some sort of issues, but hopefully it's not these. At least we're not gonna have them over and over again. So for the type three, that is going to be that might look like, um, and this won't be easy. I know for more type threes, this won't be easy, but this might include delegating and trusting your team members more, or delegating and trusting that nine specifically more. Um, and and being okay and accepting that their version of done may look different than your version of done, or how they get there to that done point might be a little bit different. I hear from a lot of threes, this can be one of the most challenging things for them to do is to delegate, is to let go, allow somebody else to make mistakes, allow somebody else to do it slower than they would do it, maybe not as good as they would do it right now, and being patient and um resisting the urge to jump in and take over the project. Whereas our, and this is hard, I've had several type threes in the last couple of weeks, months um share this delegation challenge. They want to do it, they need to do it because there's things looking forward that they need to be more focused on, or maybe they've gotten promoted to a new manager role, or the responsibilities have changed, and they have a lot on their plate already. And so they are gonna burn out if they hang on to all of that and what the six people on their team's doing, or the the one person on their team is doing the type nine, whatever they're doing. They, you know, you gotta let go and trust. And that's not easy, that's not easy. I know that. Um, but pay attention into areas in your life, um, specifically at work, where you have an opportunity to do that. Okay. And then it's specifically, and I guess in this situation, starting this project, delegating and trusting. Now, for the type nine, this also isn't going to be easy for you. But a fix to this situation is to speak up. Speak up, share your thoughts, share your opinion, volunteer for a role before the three starts assigning roles and tasks. Raise your hand, be proactive. Don't just sit back and allow whatever comes your way to come your way. If you want it, ask for it. And maybe it you're not even sure if you want it, but uh ask for it. Step out of that comfort zone and show the three, I am proactive. Um, you're not just sitting back and waiting, having a reactive approach. You're you're taking the lead, and that can make them feel like, okay, I can trust this person, I can delegate this person, delegate to this person, and I know they're gonna they're gonna get it done. Okay, so step one, acknowledge the dynamic. Step two, assign clear roles and responsibilities early on. Step three, throughout the project, you want to be setting checkpoints along the way, halfway, every week, every month, whatever, however long the project is, whatever makes sense, so that at the end, you're not looking back and having to go redo everything. Or looking back, it's like, oh, that was a failure, and this is what we could have done. You're catching those things along the way. So, in this situation, for a type three, you're gonna have to fight the urge to redo everyone's work. I know, again, this is these are not easy things for our type. Um, for a three, it's gonna be really tempting to be like, it's not good enough, or they didn't do that fast enough, or I, you know what, I know how to do this. Let me just step in, I'll do it real quick, I'll redo it, it'll be better. You're gonna have to fight that urge to redo everyone's work and instead set checkpoints along the way. And so you're able to give feedback and catch issues or ask questions or provide clarification or guidance before it gets to the point where you feel like you have to go in and redo things. It hasn't gotten to that point yet because people, everybody's checking in, they're checking in with you, you're checking in with each other, you're letting each other know. So if you do start to just kind of veer off a little bit, you're you can get back on track, that other person, you can guide whoever needs to be guided to get back on track before we go too far off the rails and you feel like you got to jump in and redo everything. Okay. So for the nine, your challenge during these checkpoints is to show up to the checkpoints, the check-ins, um, with your part completely done. Don't leave that three wondering if you're still on the team because you're waiting for directions, you're waiting for something to happen, um, you're waiting to get everybody's thoughts and opinions and waiting for advice. You are showing up with your part done. Now, maybe you have some questions. Um, maybe it's not super clear. If you can, obviously clarify those, get your questions answered. But if you can't do what you can do with what you have. And then because you're having those checkpoints, those check-ins, um, you're not gonna be allowed to go too far off the rails to the point where you've just completely messed it up. But it's gonna mean a lot to the three to see you show up with that work completed, with your part done and volunteering to take on important roles, to take on um things that need to be done. What can you help the three do? Practice delegating, and you're gonna build that trust because it's like, you know what, I wasn't a hundred percent how to do this, or I did everything but this part because I wasn't sure, but I'm showing up with it done as as much as possible. Doesn't have to be in its final draft, right? But you're showing up, it's showing up done. You're showing up with it done. Okay. So step three, check-in points, and then step four, and this can be kind of hard too, especially for threes, even ones might feel this way. Celebrate the wins together. And I know for a three, it can be really challenging to slow down, stop, to take the time to celebrate because it just feels like, well, we don't have a goal around celebrating. We hit the goal, we hit it, check it off, great, let's move on. We got three other goals we got to work on, or eight other goals we got to work on. Um, and so it can feel hard to stop and slow down because there's always gonna be more work, or it's like, well, this is just what we do. We just put our heads down, we work hard, we get it done, and when we get it done, we move on to the next thing. Um, but here, threes have an opportunity to acknowledge the contributions that the nine is bringing, acknowledge what you see them doing really well. And this can also feel like um it can also feel like a reminder to a three that I it's not just me carrying this project, you know, there are a lot of people contributing. The here's the things, the nine specifically is is contributing. I want to make sure I'm paying attention to that, make sure I'm you know looking for those things so it doesn't feel like I'm having to do it all by myself. It's all on my shoulders. That might be a story you're telling yourself, but when you're going back and acknowledging the strengths, the contributions, the little wins, the celeb celebrating those wins along the way, it's a it can feel really good to know, hey, I'm not, I'm not actually in this alone. And for a nine, I know that getting any sort of public recognition for most nines can feel really uncomfortable. So as a three teammate or any type of teammate, knowing how your teammates like to be appreciated and acknowledged is incredibly important because even though your intention might be to recognize them, um maybe that's not how they're they're seeing it. Maybe they're feeling like, oh gosh, I don't want to do that again because I don't want to get called out. Uh, I don't want to get called up on stage. I don't want to get called out publicly in the meeting. I don't want to get my name in the newsletter. Um, but what I hear from nines is that they love it when it's more private. They want to be acknowledged, they want to be complimented and um celebrated for their wins, the things that they've done well. It can just feel kind of weird getting that acknowledgement in public. Now, I think it also would feel a little weird if the three was going around saying wins in a in a big group meeting and left the nine out completely because maybe that's not their preference for acknowledgement. But it there's gonna be situations where it's like, well, gosh, I don't want to leave them out. So maybe, and maybe that's a question. Maybe you ask your nine team member, hey, what what do you want me to do in this situation? Um, or maybe that's an opportunity for the nine. Say, you know, okay, all right. When when it's in, when I'm I'm I'm lumped in there with five other people, it's fine to say my name, but don't say my name just all by myself. Um and and not everybody's the same, not every nine's the same, but those are some some common tendencies I see with our nine. Um and also when you're highlighting those wins and celebrating success, that means a lot to a nine, not just for themselves, but they want, it is important for them to feel seen and heard, and it is very important for them to have others on their team feel seen and heard. And so that just feels good to the nine to know, okay, my teammates are getting recognized. My teammates are able to share their voice, they're getting celebrated, and that can feel really good to the nine. It can feel great to the three as well. Um, I hear from a lot of threes that have, especially who have done a lot of this professional personal development work. It's like, man, I I I want to be outstanding, but it feels really good when I'm bringing my team along with me, being successful as a team. All right, so we have our four steps and then some things to kind of recap to keep in mind um strengths that our threes will bring to a group. Dynamic, specifically the three and nine here, is that drive. They want to go far, they want to go fast. They are able to understand what needs to be done, what needs to be said, and do it in the most efficient way possible. They're planning, their meeting schedules, you're not, you're most likely not going to have pointless meetings with a three on your on your project, uh, or leading the project at least. Um, and so they bring that that drive and that ambition, that that desire to succeed and and to be successful. And our type nines bring the balance, they bring the ability for maybe slowing down, maybe being a little bit more thoughtful. Um, maybe instead of just what this one person wants, hey, let's ask the group. So it's a it's a really great balance that they bring to each other. And you got to have that drive, but that nine can also bring that calming effect, that anxiety reducing effect uh that so many of us will describe our type nine teammates as. And then when you work together intentionally, this can be such a powerful team dynamic versus a tug of war. So next time you're in a group project, just have a quick chat up front. Maybe it's uh an official sit-down meeting, maybe it's just a, hey, let's grab coffee and talk about how this is gonna go based on my Enneagram type, based on yours, what you relate to, what your pet peeves and preferences are, what mine are, where we might have friction, where we're gonna work really well together. Let's lean in on that. And just use the Enneagram in that way to act as kind of a pre-planning meeting, and that might just save a project. You never know. Uh, maybe it'll at least save your sanity. So, whether you are that take charge leader or more of a quiet contributor, there is absolutely room for both. And the best projects don't happen in spite of our different strengths or our different personalities, the different energy we bring to a project. They can thrive because of those differences. So keep that in mind. I hope that there's something in there that maybe you learned about yourself or have a better perspective or understanding when it comes to your teammate. Um, these are things that we talk about in our group workshops and especially in our new program, the Dream Team Certified Workplace Program, where we really start to bring that Enneagram theory and look for ways to apply it to real life. And I know we're all sitting in meetings, we're all doing projects, and so this is one way that you can apply the Enneagram to real life. All of those options, workshops, our program, our leadership development programs are over at Enneagramba.com. I would love to talk with you more about which one might be the best fit for your group. In the meantime, have a wonderful rest of your weekend, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.