Enneagram at Work
Welcome to Enneagram at Work, your Saturday leadership download. We're bringing you insights for your weekend so you're ready for Monday.
This is a podcast about understanding people at work and navigating professional relationships. We spend so much of our time at work, why not make it more enjoyable by working on creating more enjoyable relationships with our teammates?
Listen in each week to gain self-awareness, relationship management, leadership development, personal growth insights, and real-life application ideas through the lens of the Enneagram inside educational episodes and interview conversations.
Learn about bringing the Enneagram to your organization or group and view the current workshop menu at: enneagrammba.com
Enneagram at Work
195. Why We Rely on 1s, 2s & 6s at Work with Co-Host Demetrius "D" Parker
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Before we dive in: Most of our work at Enneagram MBA is rooted in the Awareness to Action model developed by Mario Sikora and team. But from time to time, we like to explore other Enneagram approaches and insights that come up in the workplace and coaching conversations. This is one of those episodes, so you may hear some differences from the ATA model we typically use.
In this episode, I’m joined again by my co-host, Demetrius (“D") Parker, as we continue our Coworker Chemistry series. Last time, we looked at the high-energy types (3, 7, and 8). This week, we shift gears to talk about another powerful trio: Types 1, 2, and 6, commonly known as the dutiful types.
These three strategies bring such a strong sense of responsibility and group cohesion to their work and teams, though they each express it in different ways. In our conversation, we covered:
- Type 1 (Striving to Feel Perfect): integrity, high standards, and the pressure of an inner critic.
- Type 2 (Striving to Feel Connected): empathy, connection, and the challenge of people-pleasing.
- Type 6 (Striving to Feel Secure): loyalty, risk-awareness, and the courage it takes to ask hard questions.
We also dig into how these types can complement one another, where they might clash, and what growth looks like for each...from turning “the way” into “a way,” to setting clear boundaries, to transforming fear into collaboration.
Whether you identify with a 1, 2, or 6 (or work with someone who does), I think you’ll find this episode full of both practical insights and real-life examples you can take back to your team.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode
- The strengths and blind spots of Types 1, 2, and 6.
- Why these types are often the backbone of teams.
- Stories and analogies (including the “Mafia boss” and the six’s “BS meter”) that bring these strategies to life.
- Practical tips for collaboration, leadership, and personal growth.
And stay tuned! Our next episode will cover the remaining group: Types 4, 5, and 9.
D and I both facilitate workshops on behalf of Enneagram MBA. Learn more about the options and booking your team's end-of-year experience with us over at enneagrammba.com.
To learn more about working with D or hiring him as a speaker visit: trustleadershipcollective.com
You're listening to the Enneagram at Work Podcast, a show about understanding people at work, including yourself. I'm your host, Sarah Wallace, and I'm looking forward to diving into this week's episode with you. Well, welcome back to another episode here on the Enneagram at Work Podcast. I am your host, Sarah Wallace, and we have our other co-host, Demetrius aka D Parker, back to talk about another grouping on the Enneagram. So if you are a first-time listener, welcome. I hope to be saying welcome back to you at some point. If you are a returning listener, you might have heard an episode that we did in the past where we talked about our high energy types, the type three, the seven, and the type eight. Um, not to say that no other type can have high energy, but those just tend to have a reputation. So uh today uh we're gonna be talking about another grouping. And Dee, would you let us know which which grouping, what types we're gonna be talking about today?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're gonna be talking about how duty can loyalty types. So the one, two, and six.
SPEAKER_00Okay. All right. Um, and you know, um, I will say we'll we'll get into it more. Um we talked about how the three, seven, eights are sometimes known as the assertive, sometimes the aggressive. And I will say sometimes I see ones having a little pull in that direction as well. They are in this grouping, but sometimes they're like an honorary uh high-energy type for some different reasons that we'll probably talk a little bit about today. Um, but I think one of the things that stands out for these types, and please share or correct me if if you disagree, um, is that they tend to be a little bit more um kind of group focused. So where the three, the seven, and the eight, they can also be very team-oriented. They like people. Um, but sometimes it's like, hey, what's best for me or what what's gonna feel fun or how am I gonna be successful? And of course, the types today can also have that, but a lot of times they're leading with, okay, putting my needs aside, kind of what's best for the group. And I think sometimes that's where they get that loyal, um, dutiful name when we talk about these three.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. No, I I would definitely agree. Um I'm just thinking about some of my um folks that I've worked with in the past that are in that one strategy space and definitely coming in to say, hey, if we bring everyone to this, like where I know you say you want to go this way. Have we gotten buy-in from everyone else? What does that look like? So for sure, I I would definitely agree with you on that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So um they make really great teammates for I think for that reason, because it is very much like, hey, what's best for for the group? Um, and they can make wonderful leaders for that reason too. So we're gonna talk a little bit about how they work well together, maybe where there might be some potential friction. And then, like we did in the last uh episode with our 378s, also look at what are what are like this energy as a group and how they work with a few of the other types. But before we do, let's just quickly kind of lay the foundation, some core characteristics of each of the types. Do you want to kick it off with type one?
unknownSure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'll I'll kick it with one. Uh so ones, uh, strengths that I love about ones, integrity, high standards, accountability, um, are there, and I'll say up to the forefront when you think about um that one strategy. I would say the growth edge for them is that they can become rigid, a little overly critical, and and sometimes professionistic. Um and and I like to call their leadership superpower is they set the bar for excellence and ethical decision making. Um each time that I've worked with ones, I I remember even one time one of my ones said, D, I maybe I should set my bar lower because I don't feel like people are meeting. And I was like, Nope, don't set your bar lower. Just understand that you know you have really high expectations for yourself, and not everyone's gonna get there, but setting that bar at least gives them a space to grow more, right? So anyway, that's what I always hear about the one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and um I think they also have, I think something that the rest of us should remember is that they can come across as critical, they can be experienced as rigid, um, but they have a very harsh inner critic. Again, we all have a little inner critic on in us. Um, I think for the ones, it's really loud. So when you, and it can be kind of mean. Um, and so when you think of a one being really rigid and critical to you, like yes, there's some things that they can do, but also just keeping in mind it's probably like 10 times as worse what they're saying to themselves in their own head.
SPEAKER_01So that is sometimes I call it the geo sergeant.
SPEAKER_00The you call it the what? The drill sergeant, the drill sergeant. Oh, yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_01I need to have it again. You know, you should have done this, probably. I don't understand why you did this.
SPEAKER_00Yes, okay, yes, that I I think ones will probably uh be nodding along with you. And um just out of curiosity, because with this one, I see um a lot of people starting their typing journey. And I don't want to get into like uh a typing segment, but this one is very common where people will be stuck between a one or a three. Um, what is something that you have noticed that that really kind of defines the one energy versus a three? Is there anything that you would say to that?
SPEAKER_01So, yeah, so as a as someone who has that three strategy, I will say um what I feel differentiates is ones tend to use a lot of absolutes. So find yourself if you find yourself saying should a lot, you should do this, right? They should have done this. If you if you find yourself shoulding yourself a lot, um more than likely you're in that one space.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay, that's good to know. Come coming from uh a three, D D would have some insider uh insight on that. Um okay, so the next one in this is our type two, striving to feel connected, um, sometimes known as the helper, the caregiver. Um, and this one is always interesting because they're in this category right there with the one, but it's sometimes it seems like they're almost opposite because a one can be so task-oriented, and our twos can be incredibly um people focused. And so rather than like a checklist, a to-do list, it's more like how is this going to impact, how is this to do list going to impact the people? Um, and so they really are wonderful about having empathy, wanting to understand people, um, tend to be very generous, very um focused on, you know, rapport building, relationship building, which is a wonderful uh skill to have in the workplace. Um but you know, when those are overused, of course, you can kind of slip into overdoing it, over trying to connect, which can lead to people pleasing, um, dependency uh on others, the the approval, needing someone else's approval. Um, but like all types with their own skills, they can also make really excellent, powerful leaders in their own way because they can build teams where people feel like they belong. Um, people are motivated because they feel like somebody cares. And and I I really do. Um, sometimes we'll talk about our type twos are the people that are like, hey, how are you doing? And what do we normally say? Fine, good. And if something's off, a two will say, Yeah, what's what's really going on? So they they really see you and they and they're really gonna take the time to slow it down and and dig into like what's really going on. Anything you would add to that? Any specific examples, stories? Yes, please do.
SPEAKER_01Well, a couple things, yeah. One is you you talked about list. Um twos also have a list versus ones, ones is a task list. Two's uh twos have a list of what you've done and what you haven't done.
SPEAKER_00Oh, great one.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, like they can track, they they know, hey, you know, here's what you have done and here's what you haven't done. Um, and especially in comparison to what they have, and so you know, keep that in mind. Uh especially if you're trying to to your point, not trying to make this a typing segment, but if you're thinking about, mmm, am I in that two? If you know that you keep those kind of lists of of that, you could be leaning in that two space. The other thing that I would add with twos is, you know, yes, they they want to please and they want to be there for people. And at the same time, in a not so great way, right? A non a maladaptive way, they have to be careful with that because it can become what I call the mafia, which is you owe me.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I haven't heard that, but I like it.
SPEAKER_01I thought all the time is that whole, if you remember the scene in The Godfather, where it's like, hey, I'm gonna do you this favor. Um, and you know, he got to get out of debt and you know, made sure that you know the person didn't bother him anymore. And then they came back later in the movie and said, Hey, I want you to kill this person for me. And they were like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is that the same? It's like, no, no, you owe me. I did this for you. Now you need to do this for me. Um, and I won't say it's conscious that they do that, um, but it it is something that can come out with twos. And, you know, one of the things that I love about twos is that they know what you need before you even know what you need.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and I love that about them. I will say the maladaptive side to that though can be that sometimes sometimes we're not ready for what we need. Right? So you think about Christmas time, right? We want a particular thing, and we say we want that thing, and then our parents give us what it needs. So if you ever think about if you ever got a sweater for Christmas when you actually really wanted, you know, a specific toy, I don't know, you know, just think about it.
SPEAKER_00I got an electric blanket one year, and I was that wasn't what I wanted.
SPEAKER_01Not what I want. But guess what? When you when it when you got cold and you plugged in an electric blanket on, you're like, this is the best thing ever, right? Because they knew what you needed, it just wasn't what you wanted. And so, you know, that's something that I I when I'm coaching tools that I talk about, you know, being careful of because sometimes they start to force that thing that they know you need, but you're not ready for it. And so understanding that and and being able to deliver what that is in a way that you can accept it. Um, so that's that's what comes around when I think about the tools.
SPEAKER_00That I and I think that's a great reminder for the twos, just to know, you know, people people aren't ready. Um, sometimes it is the unsolicited advice. And uh yeah, you just gotta you gotta wait. Um, the mafia thing, I'm gonna I'm gonna steal that. Um the version that we'll sometimes talk about is giving with hooks, um, but kind of same same concept. So just something to be aware of uh in your relationship with the two and as a two, some self-awareness there. Um, okay, so the next one in this grouping is our type six. Do you want to do the overview on that one?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, those, you know, my loyalty fault, right? Loyalty, foresight, commitment to the team when you're thinking about from a team perspective and that safety part of the team. Um, you know, that being said, when you start thinking about safety, you're also thinking about um folks becoming anxious. And so they can have that anxious part, they can be very doubtful, overly cautious, or they're not typically not risk takers. Um and so from a team perspective, when folks are working with them, they can kind of be like, uh, you know, you're you're the baby downer, you're bringing me down. Like, let's let's let's let's get away from that. But at the same time, they bring reliability, like they're so reliable. Um yes, and they have you know to reframe that lack of risk is risk awareness. They bring that risk awareness.
SPEAKER_00Risk management, maybe, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Risk management, yeah, risk management, right? And so they're looking at it going, okay, hold on. This sounds great. And and especially when I think about us in that three, seven, eight space where we're just like, let's make it happen. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow that down.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I want to make it happen. However, let's look at what does that mean, right? What is it gonna cost us? Um, and so it's good to again one of the things I want to put out there is as we talk about all these different strategies, there's not one that's like the strategy, the best. Each one of them had their pros and cons. And so keeping that in mind um is very important. So I just want to make sure we we put that out there. But yeah, I mean, those are the things that I when I think about six, um, that think about are some of those key uh traits to think about. What from your perspective, what's something that you would add to that?
SPEAKER_00You know, speaking of kind of inner what, you know, what we have is sometimes you'll hear the uh six having, they'll say like they have an inner committee, and it's not necessarily negative, but it's just like a lot of voices. And so it's like we could do this or we could do this, and so you you struggle with sometimes paralysis analysis, much like a one can sometimes struggle with paralysis analysis, but it's because it's not perfect enough versus I'm you know, there's so many things that we could do. So there's that, but one that people sixes seem to relate to the most um is the idea of an inner BS meter. And when we talk about uh group cohesion, they're almost like the group police in that, oh, we got a new person joining the team. How wait, we had a good thing going on right here. Like, how is this person going to impact our dynamic? Or, oh, we're getting a new CEO. Uh, you know, I don't know. Because they tend to have a, I'll trust you once you give me a reason to trust you versus someone like a seven who might say, Oh, I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to. Sure. Um, and so they can be really there, they tend to be really like on high alert with what is this person saying versus like what are they really saying with their body language or like what is their intention? And so that BS meter, like, can I trust this person or not? Is is you know, very sensitive. Um, somebody we had talked about that during a workshop, and then at the end, um, I said, You guys, this was so great. I've really enjoyed you. You've been one of my favorite groups. And the six said, I think you say that to everybody. And I was like, Well, you know, I think I do, but it's like each one is kind of my new favorite. So, but it, you know, it's that kind of like BS, BS, uh, and uh I mean, that's that's so needed, you know, at times. So I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_01I think yes, yes, yeah. I would, I would, I would agree with that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Uh so the the just the I think they care so deeply about the group and it and they can come off as negative, but it is because hey, I I'm I'm bringing this skepticism because I don't know how this new policy or this new person or this new leader of our organization, how how are they gonna impact me? Um, and how are they gonna impact our group?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, on to your point, I think I like working with with Six Inc for that is because at times I know that I can go off the rails with bringing in new, not only new people, but new ideas and just take risk um because I want to get things done and I'm thinking like, yeah, I'm bringing this person in because they can help us get it done. And so having sometimes even trying to step into that mindset, say I'm gonna slow down, I'm gonna be more intentional. Um I think is really important. And and one of the things I feel that has helped me of being in that triad of the three, six, and nine, is sometimes going to that six from a loyalty standpoint. Um I think that's that's has worked in my favor.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because if I had just made in that three strategy, I I can easily just bulldoze through things um because I just want to get stuff done. So so yeah, so I find a value in that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and the last thing I'll say on six, and I just because sometimes they get a bad reputation for just being like anxious, you know, worry warts. Um but I can see the argument to be made that they maybe are one of the bravest types because to think about um how much courage it takes to raise your hand and ask a question like, have we thought about this in a room when everybody's really excited about the new idea or the new position that they're gonna hire for? And they're they're like, is nobody gonna ask the qu you're gonna make me ask the question? Am I gonna have to? Okay, I guess I have to ask the question. And so it's like, okay, let me raise my hand and I'll be the negative one here. Um, and that does, you know, that that's kind of taking one for the team. Um, and and although maybe the team doesn't see it that way at the moment, uh, I do think there is a lot of bravery and courage that our sixes exude on a regular basis because they are thinking this way and asking these sort of tough, tough questions potentially.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I would agree. It's it's good. You know, you know, as facilitators, a lot of times we say, you know, and I know it sounds free shape a lot, but we'll we know we'll make that statement is there's no, you know, there's no dumb questions.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um and a lot of times the fact that they will, to your point, they'd be like, Well, I agree there's no dumb question, but I have a question, and they ask it, and it helps everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So yeah, it does. It's like, oh gosh, I'm so glad you thought of that. So um, well, we we need we need those sixes. We need them all. Um, we need those sixes. So just to kind of um pull this group together, what what so we said that these types are really focused on kind of the the group, putting their needs aside for the sake of the group. Um, any other common similarities that these types tend to have that you would you would want to say um you would want to mention?
SPEAKER_01Um responsibility. Um these three types tend to me tend to always be responsible. Um whether it's thinking about principles, whether it's thinking about the people, whether things about the group security, like they they step into a space with a responsibility um to make sure that those areas are being taken care of and not overlooked. And so that's something I see from all three of them. It's it's I think I almost take that on, like they have a responsibility to to do those things. Um like I said each in its own space. The ones again are more around principles, two more around the people, uh, six is the security. Do we feel secure? Um and and not in a selfish way when I think about that security, but it's hey, do we have the things that we really need? Um so those are the kind of things that I I see a lot of um in that sense.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would. I would agree with that. Um, it it is just like, yeah, that sense of responsibility. I think is uh you said that really well. Like it's my it's my duty, hinting kind of the dutiful, yeah, it's my duty to make sure everybody's okay and and in different ways about doing that. Um okay, so that there they have that kind of you know undercurrent of similarities. However, there's also many differences between these three. Um what do you see as a key difference between a type one and a type two? And I know we talked about the task lists versus the what have you done for me lately task list. Anything else you would add to that?
SPEAKER_01Um that's interesting. So I would say probably for me and my experience with these two is the uh intensity that I can do. So um ones to me a lot of times come across a lot more intense, a lot, a lot, a lot more serious. Um versus two can be very friendly, very light in the beginning. Um they can get to that intensity. But when I think about ones and twos, those are the two things that probably stand out the most for me is that um even when ones, when I feel even when they're light, there's just intensity that's just like it's almost like I'm doing this because it's what I'm supposed to do versus this is where I am. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. So that's that's that's the difference that I feel just from an energy standpoint when I'm when I'm around those two. And and and I share that, and I'm probably gonna get myself in trouble because I will say there's two people near and dear to me that come to mind. So my mother-in-law is a one and my wife is a two. Um, so I'm around those two energies a lot. A lot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you got some first hand expertise experience. Um, yeah, and that, I mean, that is a um, I think a similarity that that stands out is that um I will I will put my own needs to the side for the sake of what someone else needs or the the group needs. Um, but again, it's just kind of thought about and delivered maybe in a little bit different way. Um I think that I I think that's a good one. I something else that I will hear from twos, and I don't, I think we've talked about this before. I've definitely talked about it on the podcast before, is the two does have a reputation for being like warm and friendly and um, you know, bring the the group together, be a nurturer. But to your point, if the scale on their list starts to tip, you know, they're gonna get upset about that mob boss that energy might come out. And they have that highway to an eight. And they can get really angry, emotionally um like volatile because either they're they're because they care deeply. And so it's upsetting that this decision didn't take into account the the people or this a particular person, or um, you're not listening to their advice. Be, you know, it's like, hey, listen, you know, we didn't ask for your advice, but listen, I have advice. And they can they can get really upset. And on the receiving end, there have been a couple of really interesting um conversations around how emotionally overwhelming that can be for someone like a one, like a five, maybe, even like a nine. Um, that that emotional intensity. I think ones have like a hard work ethic intensity um when we talk about intensity, and twos have I think it's more emotional. They it can feel overwhelming.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, no, no. Yeah, I I honestly have this conversation a lot. Uh okay.
SPEAKER_00Well, we want to be careful. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, again, I I I you know I share with Noy, I won't be doing these podcasts, and so, you know, she does it. So my wife's a therapist. Which helps, yeah. Surprising, huh? Um and so with that though, yeah, no, it is that piece that sometimes where, to your point, it's that advice, you're like, is it really advice or or were you just telling me to do something? Um because there's a difference. If I give you advice, for me, when I give someone advice, there's no expectation that you're gonna take my advice. It's I'm sharing it. Because I don't, I'm not saying this is what you need, I'm saying this is a way. Right? And when twos come with that, because they again they feel and it's feelings tied to it, yeah, it's when I give you this, this is the best thing for you. And so when you don't take it, and especially if you come back later and you say, Hey, here's where I am, and then looking at you, like, hmm, so you didn't take my advice, huh? Right? And so again, that's where that mafia thing is like, I gave it to you. Right? I gave it to you and you didn't do it. You know, you know, so that's where I feel that can can come in. Um and at the same time, just keeping in mind that when they're doing it, they're doing it from the heart. And that's why so that's why it's so intense. And that's probably why also it feels so heavy. And especially for those of us who don't necessarily like to be in touch with our emotions as much.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Again, um, but I find that so many people are gravitating towards them.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Um, you know, I I will look and my wife can just be like we're taking like the metro or RTV train and just sitting there, and someone will come in like, oh, and they start unloading their day. Like, oh no, no, no, no. You're like, do we do we know this person?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right? It's almost like they know, like, hey, oh, so there's that peace of being there that they give peace. And at the same time, when they when they are intentional about giving that piece, and someone isn't necessarily as for it, it can feel heavy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. You know, um, that kind of reminds me, um, and and uh we'll move on after this, but that kind of reminds me of another interesting aha that came up during a workshop in the past where there was a type two, and she had was sharing. I'd be curious uh if you're whatever you're willing to share on this, if there's if there's something that resonates as well. But she was saying, like, when we have a problem, uh like we need to talk about it right now. If you're mad at me, I I I need we need to talk it out right now. This moment, I can't, I can't go to bed mad. I can't leave this meeting mad. I can't, I can't leave you mad. And her couple of her teammates were saying, sometimes I don't know how I feel about it. And so I don't even know how to res how we would resolve it, or I just need to process it. And she said, and I understand that, but it feels like we're never gonna be okay when that happens. And so they had kind of worked out an agreement that the person who kind of felt overwhelmed during a conflict, they were gonna say, Hey, can you give me an hour or can you give me a day? So the two wasn't like, when will we get this resolved? Um, and the two had to be okay with like, hey, we're not okay in this exact moment, but I feel confident that we will be okay when you're talking about honestly, spot on, spot on.
SPEAKER_01And um, if you if you are that person that says, Hey, I can't talk about this right now, and here's the time that I need, make sure you come back.
SPEAKER_00Make sure you come back, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Come back because remember, I told you they have the list, right? Uh-huh. It is a mental list. You told me you're gonna come back in an hour, you told me you're gonna come back in a day, and they won't say anything. They won't say anything, they will move, but you will feel it. You will feel it, and it'll be like, and you're like, what's going on? And you're like, it's been two days. You told me a day, it's been two days. I'm not good, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we're not okay. I'm not okay, so we're not okay.
SPEAKER_01I'm not okay, so we're not okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um so you gotta come back to it. But yeah, we and with that, we probably should move on to what what do you think about six?
SPEAKER_00Six. Okay, so I know we had talked about um the inner committee. We could do this or we could do this. And I I think ones also might have a little bit of that, but I think because they do have such a strong like moral value compass, typically it's it's easier to be like, this is the right thing to do. This is what we need to do. And so there sometimes could be um, I could see there being some friction between like, oh, this intercommit, all these different things that we could do as a six or you know, this or this. And a one might say, it's so clear, you know, this is the right thing to do. And a six might say, well, let's look into it, or what do we have the research behind it? So there's that. Um, and then I know um I wouldn't say twos are to the level of a stereotypical seven on the rose-colored glasses, like let's throw glitter and run through rainbows sometimes. I think stereotypical sevens feel. Um, but they are more optimistic, believing like we'll work through it. Um, maybe a little like we have already kind of talked about sometimes they're a little bit more warm, sometimes they're a little bit more friendly. Of course, sixes can also be warm and friendly. But I I think sometimes twos can be a little perturbed by the constant, what seems like as negativity, skepticism of others, skepticism of just everything. Um, and so I could see there being some friction there with that more kind of positive. Because I think twos probably are also more of a trust someone until they give me a reason not to trust them. So that that optimism, more on that side. Um, what else? What anything else you would add to that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I would definitely agree with those. Um, and it's hard with all of these, and I also wanted to throw this out there, with all these, remember, we're we're we're talking a generalized generalization, right? Um you know, there's so many other things that come into play when you're talking about people. So your environment, your culture, your background, all those things. So I just as you were just talking about some of these things, and I'm thinking about certain people that that use these strategies um in life, there's also all those other layers that are in play. Absolutely. So I I just wanted to point that out. And yeah, I I would agree. I mean, when I think about the six in that and that when they're in that skeptic space, um, and how they can frustrate, even though they're all in that you know, sharing that common space, at the same time, it's I would say it's probably not the what, it's the how. And you and you you probably heard me say that before, right? But it's it's not that they are being skeptical, it's it's how they've been skeptical about it. That can then probably drive the one or the two crazy, along with honest honestly other strategies as well. Um, but when we're talking about these three in particular, um I feel that's that's where that can come into play because you know ones can have that again, that certainty. This is the you know, I call it the Mandalorian. This is the way. Um and twos can be a bit more optimistic, especially when you think about these three. I I love what you said. Twos not being optimistic, like the sevens, um, or even the way that threes can phrase things to be optimistic.
SPEAKER_00Spin it.
SPEAKER_01Um, three, we're great spinners. Um, maybe we should be DJs.
SPEAKER_00You got your inner PR agency inside of you.
SPEAKER_01But is um, but when you think about these three, they're definitely twos tend to be a bit more optimistic. And so when hit with that skepticism in the way that it comes out, that's where that frustration can layer in and kind of become a problem within the work through.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Yeah. Um, what I don't I don't we don't I don't want to go through all of them, but is there a particular type that would that is not on the list today that you can see? Like maybe we could just go through like, is there a recent example or the most common friction with like a one and another type um outside of this grouping today? Um that comes up for you. And we can do like a two and and a six, just because this is one of the most common questions. It's like, how do these two interact? How do these two interact? So we'll give everybody just a couple more. Um, one that came up recently, and it's come up before, but it's just fresh on my mind that I'll share with the one is that they had expressed um that they could it could be frustrating to understand a nine potentially because they are so comfortable with like, oh, we could do it this way, or we could do it this way, or I can see where that person's coming from, or I can see where that person's coming from. And they were kind of saying, like, I mean, it's so clear what the right thing to do is. It's so clear um what is right and wrong. Like, I it it bothers me that they don't have that like hard line in the sand. Um, so I could see that being a frustration, but also uh I think we're gonna talk about growth here in just a second. I think there's a lot of things that the one can kind of pull in and and and lean into with some of that nine energy, um being a little bit more, you know, inclusive, open-minded.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I and as you put that question out, I started thinking, and um I would I'm I'm gonna go with with two, and I would say twos probably struggle a bit with I'll see, uh three, seven, eight. Uh same more well, because the high energy type, because of that high energy, I don't feel we slowed down enough for two to feel heard and valued. Um because we're and again, it's not because we're discounting them, um, but it's that we're moving so quickly and and we are so quick to share our thoughts, our ideas, and and then and then put them into action that when the two is coming with sharing from their perspective what they feel is needed, and then we're not again, we're not slowing down enough for them to take that in. Um, I feel that's when they can have some frustration. So I you know, I know you said one other type, but I'm gonna give you three.
SPEAKER_00I can I can see that, yeah. Well, because there's a and and my next one for the six was going to be something similar, and it was going to be um uh from what I hear from many sixes, is they're the sevens and the threes majority of the time, and it's around the like sevens truly believe everything's gonna work out, love that about them, but we also need to like infuse a dose of reality into this, and it can be really frustrating. And then the three will be like, Well, I I can't, I don't feel safe because what they're telling me, they've spun into the story. So how do I how do I trust it? And it that sometimes they'll have some friction with the eight, but I think out of those three, what I hear is that they appreciate the directness of the eight because it's like, yeah, it might hurt my feelings sometimes, or I may not agree, but we know where each other stands because we're willing to kind of they're willing to give it to me straight, and I really appreciate that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I I would agree to that. Um and so really quickly, I I, you know, I I thought about, you know, we've shared our numbers uh quite a bit on the um frustrating side of things for these for these for these styles and types. Um so uh before we get into transformation, growth, all that thing, I I want to apologize. Honestly, I want to and and as I'm thinking about it, I want to, if I frustrated you, um, if you're in one of these styles and you work with me, um, or you're friends with me, or you're married with me. I uh sincerely want to apologize, take this moment to publicly apologize, um, because it was not and is not intentional. Um you know, I know I can when I'm in my when I'm in my groove, uh, I'm in my groove. And so it is never and I think everyone should understand this. I don't think anyone's ever waking up in the morning thinking, how can I frustrate somebody? Right? How can I frustrate this type? Like I'm not I don't think anyone is doing that. And at the same time, it's good that when we are aware of a disservice to someone, intentional and or not, to take that time to apologize. So probably I I want to apologize and say, I'm sorry if I frustrated you or you felt, you know, or I made you feel not that you felt that I made you feel discounted or disvalued. Never think I and I think that's okay.
SPEAKER_00That's that's I think good to acknowledge. And a lot of times, you know, people aren't thinking about the Enneagram necessarily when everything is going really well. And so it is when you're feeling frustrated or um annoyed, or there is some sort of conflict where you're trying to figure out like what the heck. And so this is more like let's we're diving in. Like when you feel frustrated, this is what might be going on underneath the surface. Um, so I know every sometimes people feel like they're getting picked on, but we we are equal opportunity. Uh we'll pick on all the time.
SPEAKER_01We're gonna pick on everybody, everybody.
SPEAKER_00Oh, do everybody, yeah. Because everybody has their stuff. Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01No, I know. I'm just I'm just I know again, as I pick on us, I'm gonna pick on us now. Yeah, um, there are energies that we love to talk about because there's so much to talk about. Um, but then we end up with these episodes that are forever. Uh so so uh so I'm I'm actually trying to tap in right now um to be more reserved and say, let's let's try to get us on track and let's talk about some of the things that can help with these these strategies that could possibly help them uh in the in the spaces that they're in. So yeah, I'm gonna I'm going to start with one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01I feel ones if they can relax a bit more, right? And I think some folks say, you know, tap into that seven and enjoy life and and kind of transform from the rules and transfer those rooms into frameworks that empower um diverse strategies, understanding again, getting away from that Mandalorian mindset of this is the way. And what so when I'm coaching with ones, I say try to get away from the motto of this is the way versus this is a way.
SPEAKER_00That's great.
SPEAKER_01Um and having some, I guess, blended discipline. Oh, I I feel that would help with with ones.
SPEAKER_00I I really like the way versus a way. Um, and then I know for our twos, um, you know, there there's probably some work around the word no, setting boundaries, um, kind of that clearest kind. And um, you know, especially when you think about, you know, working with your tight. six teammate or your type eight teammate, that it can feel weird to be so direct if that doesn't come natural to you necessarily or worrying about, you know, disrupting that connection, hurting somebody's feelings. And so you're going to soften it up a bit, but just remembering that, you know, it's like, let's just, yeah, let's just, you know, deliver it, be clear as you can, um, because I, you know, there is a lot to that saying clear as kind. And then saying no, you know, I I don't everybody wants to be a team player. These types are kind of the ultimate team players in a lot of ways. And sometimes being a good team player is first taking care of yourself. So you're not showing up tired, grumpy, hangry, um, and you can be a better teammate because you have taking care of yourself. So those those are some tips I'm sure that they probably heard if there are two, but just friendly reminders.
SPEAKER_01Oh go ahead too is also um because I feel at times I feel there's some twos that they can say no. So it's not and I want to go back to the what versus the how. There's some twos that they've learned how to say no but because it's still uncomfortable how they say no the impact from that right or even advocating for self because they're not so comfortable advocating with self that when they do it's almost it feels more like a demand if that if that makes sense. And so just kind of understanding that piece of again not the what but the how that's a good point.
SPEAKER_02That's a good point.
SPEAKER_01So that's what I would just add on to that with for the two for six um I I the first thing that comes to mind is is that fear space and and if they can learn to transfer transform that fear into trust um and understanding and and it's like yeah you can have doubt but then how do you come together and co-create?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Versus again in and when I use names please know I'm not directing but when I say negative Nancy right or Debbie Downer, right? I'm not saying all Debbie's a downers or all Nancy's negative. They're just terms but if you can kind of transform that space and again use that same theory of it's not the what but the how do I bring this into a space I want to share that I have some concerns, but I want to do it in a very high performing collaborative way. So that folks still want to collaborate with you and see that you can be an innovator um and that you can take risk as long as you know the the you know the consequences of that with those risks are going to entail. That's what I would share with Six.
SPEAKER_00I yeah that I think that's really great um because um yeah I you know I would the it's it's easy to to kind of overthink it's easy to make it seem negative but you're right kind of that delivery thinking about how to I love what you said. Well how did you say it high performing collaborative I think it's really yeah well said. All right well with that I I think um any any closing words I know we said um we're not picking on anybody but you know it um it's known as a I I know Mario from awareness to action will call it a a problem resolution system. And so if everything's in your life is going great, well then you know by no means like disrupt that. But when things are when there's friction or you're having issues or you know whatever there this hopefully will give you some things to think about to get curious about by no means are we um you know predicting the future or you know saying every every two is this way or every one is this way but it'll give you some things to think about so that you can go to that person and you know get curious, ask questions, better understand where they're coming from.
SPEAKER_01And it might be different from what we talked about today, but at least you'll have kind of a foundation any final words from you D as we uh close this out I my last thing and I love what you brought up which is the word curious um stay curious and not only curious about others curious about self.
SPEAKER_00This is this work is really about self-discovery self-awareness self-work the work that we need to to do and so it's so easy to point out the things about others but honestly if we can stay curious about ourselves and what can we do to show up better um to me that's the key well said I love that great way to end um listeners thank you for being here as always we'll get to the the last three um in in the near future our fours our fives and our nines so stay tuned for that thanks for this being here for this conversation D and we'll uh see you all in the next one see you later
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