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Welcome back to another episode here on the Enneagram at Work Podcast. I am your host, founder, and managing director here at Enneagram MBA, a team training company. And today you are listening to one of our newer segments called Starting Monday, which the intention of these is to give you some very type-specific insights about a very type or about a very uh situation specific situation that ideally as that type you can take and start to reflect on and apply as soon as Monday, or you learn something new about a fellow coworker or your manager or somebody else in your life who is this type that you can start to apply ideally as soon as Monday. Maybe if not if not sooner, depending on when you're listening to this. So we have been talking about three things to avoid and three things to do when giving feedback for each type. And today we are going to look at some do's and don'ts for giving feedback as a type four. As a reminder, our type four is striving to feel unique, um, feeling significant, different, kind of one of a kind is very important for this person. And so as we go through these, I think some of these um tendencies will make sense. Some of the things that they might struggle with, some of the things that they're really good at that come natural will make sense based on kind of that core motive. So a couple of things to keep in mind. This type, according to the awareness to action um Enneagram model, when they talk about leadership style specifically, is known as the visionary. And we know our type fours can be incredibly creative, incredibly um, incredibly visionary, uh, taking kind of new approaches, have a new way to look at something that nobody has ever thought about before. So as we go through this feedback, keep in mind that our type fours bring something kind of rare in the workplace to feedback conversations, unfortunately kind of rare. Um, and that is real true empathy. Um, very much emotional others' awareness, emotional attunement. Um, and then they also have this ability to really see the person in front of them and not just what that person does, but really who they are. And it can feel so wonderful to kind of feel seen and known and understood like that. And ironically, twos or fours are really good at that, and of course, you know, that tends to be one of the things that our fours really appreciate and feeling themselves and getting that same um feeling from others. So fours are likely not to struggle with being dismissive um or being harsh with their feedback. They're gonna bring a lot of empathy and understanding. Um, the caution for this type is almost gonna be the opposite, where you might um rely so heavily on feelings and vibes um that you kind of forget about the facts, or maybe don't acknowledge or br even bring in the facts to make that feedback that much more credible and actionable, right? There are some of us that believe feelings are facts. And there are others that believe feelings are not facts. Show me the data, don't give me the drama. And so as a four, you just want to know, okay, this is my kind of natural tendency, but the person in front of me might be the exact opposite. So, what might I need to change? Um, feelings without the information to back them up, the data, the research, whatever it might be, um can be easily dismissed by others. You know, it um the whole intention of giving feedback ideally is to help this person grow, to help the team grow, to move forward towards your goals, maybe that much faster with that much more success. And so you want to make sure that when you're giving this feedback, that it inspires change. And in order to do that, people need to feel um, and they want to feel like this is credible advice, not just something that that they can brush off because it's, you know, because it's how you quote unquote, you know, feel. So your perspective is incredibly valuable as a type four, but just you know, anchor it into something really tangible, data, information about this person or about this, but some specifics about the situation so that it actually lands. Okay. With that said, some additional things to consider doing is to lead with that genuine connection, which is gonna come so natural for you already. You you just kind of natural, naturally, as a type four, create emotional safety, especially in hard conversations. Um, and that is truly a gift. That is a strength that not everybody has. I will tell you that right now. So let that other person really feel seen before you get into kind of the meat and potatoes or the substance of what you're about to share. Um, we just kind of talked about another thing you want to make sure you do is that you want to back up your observations with specific examples. Rather, um, you want to say, you know, I noticed that in the last three uh meetings you seemed disengaged. Okay. It's gonna be more useful if you can say that versus something fills off with your energy lately, right? That right. So it's like you're still noticing there's some specifics, the last three meetings, and what exactly that that feels off to you rather than just like everything okay, seems off, right? Um, so so do that. That is something to consider adding or doing or continue doing if you already are, and then trust that that honesty that you are delivering with I'm sure care and compassion and empathy is one of the most kind and loving, caring things that you can offer someone. There's that saying that clear is kind, nice doesn't always equal kind. And so you have maybe this desire to want to protect people from discomfort, and that might hold back the the very thing that they need to know, that very feedback that they need to know um that can help them grow. So, as uncomfortable as it might feel, as hard as you think, oh gosh, I wouldn't want to hear this, or oh uh, this would be so hard to have somebody say to me, um, that might be the thing that they need. And I I truly believe you will deliver it in in such a such a responsible way. Uh, some things to avoid as a type four when giving feedback is allowing the emotional temperature of the conversation to determine what you actually say. Like, do you actually say what you came there to say? Um, if the other person is seems kind of fragile or maybe they're having a bad day, or the moment doesn't feel right to you, um there will probably be a desire to want to to to kind of postpone this conversation and maybe keep postponing it. Um, but at some point this this feedback has to happen. So just be aware, it truly may not be the time to give that feedback to that that person, but it also it might be the time. So just kind of check in with yourself um uh on that one. Another thing to avoid or consider avoiding is framing everything through the feelings language alone. So we just talked about that one um where you're saying things like, it felt like my sense is, of course, are very valid, but also need to be paired with some observable specifics that we talked about in the to-do column, or the other person can just almost too easily brush it off as like, oh, that's just how they feel. It's not it's not true. So you want to make sure that you're pairing the the those feelings with some specifics. And then the last thing to consider avoiding is making the conversation about your emotional experience of the situation rather than theirs. So just some some little tweaks like checking in um with yourself and those feelings, like is are these are my feelings being centered here, or am I am I checking in with the other person and centering their experience and their feelings in this particular situation? So a phrase that our type four can consider adding before or after, just to really kind of help this feedback land, is saying something along the lines is, and I know you're gonna make this your own. I want to share something with you because I think you're capable of more. And I care too much about you and your success and your career to stay quiet about it. And I think that goes back to that leadership style of the four, that visionary. I want to share this with you because I think that you're capable of more. I see this vision of you doing more, and I care too much to just continue to let things go on the way that they are. Um if if if it's not a great thing for that person. So, with that, as I say, with all of these, if you happen to be a type four and would like to add something to this list or or have something that maybe didn't land that you think I need to tweak a bit, I'm open to it. I'd love to hear from you. If you are um, if you work for a type four or work with a type four and want to share something that you really appreciate about the way that they give feedback, um, I would love to hear from you. And you can share that uh real world experience over at EnneagramMBA.com forward slash contact as a reminder. These are the types of insights and specific uses for the Enneagram and the and the different types in the workplace that we talk about in our workshops. Um, and so depending on if you're hosting a company retreat or there's a team building event or a specific issue you're trying to work through, or you've had an introduction and kind of want to dive deeper into maybe the topic of feedback specifically. Maybe you have a leadership team or emerging manager team that you want to bring um the Enneagram and feedback to. I'm gonna invite you to reach out, learn more about us over at Enneagram MBA.com to see those options and to start talking about what might be the next step or next step for you and your team. With that, thank you so much for being here. And uh I look forward to seeing you in the next one.