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Welcome back to another episode here on the Enneagram at Work Podcast. I am your host, Sarah Wallace, founder and managing director here at Enneagram MBA, a team training company. And today we are talking about giving feedback as a type 9. This is a series, a weekend series that we've been doing for the past couple of weeks. And uh this angle specifically is really about bringing additional self-awareness. Um, and it may also be an opportunity as a manager, as a leader inside your organization to coach those that you lead on having some of these difficult conversations. Usually with feedback, if it's good feedback, it's we're usually happy to have the conversation, to give the feedback. Um, when it is something that maybe is a little bit more delicate, a little bit harder uh to deliver, that is when that understanding our type and our tendencies can be helpful. So uh that's why we're that's why we're doing this. And today we're talking about our type nines. The uh sometimes they're known as the consensus builder for their leadership style. Um, and that is a term that comes from the awareness to action Enneagram. And I really like that label if we are gonna put a label on any of the types, um, because it's so much more than just keeping the peace, um, which sometimes I think can come across as a little passive and and sometimes sure, maybe our nines are. But I love the consensus builder label because it is, it is, it is an action word and it is proactive, and it really does describe um the leadership style of the type nine because they one of their biggest strengths, one of their biggest gifts on any team, whether they're on the team or leading the team, is their ability to build a consensus. Um they want to belong, they want everyone else to feel like they belong. And the way that they go about that is by bringing all the voices to the table before a big decision is made. Hey, let's all get together, let's talk about it, uh, let's hear from everybody before we make a big decision. Now, as we've talked about in previous previous episodes, specifically one of our more recent coworker chemistry episodes between the eight and the nine, um, depending on the situation, depending on the person you're working with, it that, you know, that that can um be a frustration. They they might think, gosh, we just need to make a decision and move forward. We can't make everybody happy, so we just have to have to make a decision. But I think there are a lot of opportunities when we can bring everybody's ideas and voices to the table to at least feel heard. And nines are so great at that. So uh love that about our nines. And um, some of these feedback conversations can be extra hard because as someone who is striving to feel peaceful, I want to feel peaceful on the inside with myself, and I want to feel peaceful um on the outside. What's going on in my outer uh environment? Sometimes you have to have some of these, what would seem like an unpeaceful conversation in order to get back to that peaceful state. Because as we've talked about a lot with our type nines, um, typically it is one of their blind spots is around avoidance. And, you know, they will avoid something that needs to be said. You know, uh there may be some bad behavior that they're ignoring on the team. There may be um something that they would like to be done differently, but they ignore their own wants and desires for the sake of peace. But as we all know, um usually when we keep ignoring something that needs to be said, um, it the tension just keeps getting thicker, and that's not peaceful either. So the narrative reframe here for our type nines um is to remind yourself that you're you're gonna be able to get back to that peaceful state. But most likely the tension, the angst uh that you and the team probably feel is not the most peaceful place to be. So we we probably need to have some of these conversations so that uh we can all get back to that place uh by by cutting through that tension, um, having those hard conversations. And a lot of times that's where the growth is, is is when we have these challenging situations, difficult conversations. So, with that, let's look at three things as a type nine that you can do keep in mind when giving feedback. Three do's for our type nine or type nines when giving feedback. Um, one is to use your natural warmth and approachability as an asset, and then say the thing. Nines tend to be genuinely good at making people feel safe and seen before a hard conversation. And there's probably not a lot of intentionality the nine needs to even bring to this. It's just something that you tend to do most likely without even thinking about it. So keep doing that and then just make sure that the warmth that you're bringing is the setup and not the whole conversation. The the feedback still needs to happen, uh, but you're gonna be able to put that person at ease a little bit better, uh, maybe, maybe be in a position to receive what you have to say a little bit better with something that already comes so natural to you. So, so just do that. Um, the second do is to pick a time that you're gonna have this conversation, that you're gonna give this feedback, and then commit to it. Nines can be so good at finding reasons to wait for a better moment. Maybe when things settle down, um, maybe the person's having a hard day. So when they seem less stressed, I'll bring it up. Just when it feels, when it feels more right, I'll I'll bring it up. Um, but there's there's usually never the best time to have these conversations. There's always going to be something. So decide on the conversation in advance and treat it like you would any other commitment. Um, it doesn't have to be the perfect timing, it just has to be the right time and get done. Um, so the right time in this situation is the time that you decide on and commit to. And then the last one to do is to be specific about the behavior and not just the vibe or or whatever word you would use here, um, not just the the energy around it. Um, because nines, they notice everything. Um, and that is part of that conflict avoidance uh skill set that they have. They are very attuned to others. In our workshops, we talk about how type twos um typically will walk into a room and be very aware of who's in the room, uh, how are people doing, we'll be asking, how are people doing, how are they feeling? And then what can I do to help? How can I be involved? How can I be needed in order to be able to connect with the people in this room? Whereas the nines are also very focused on others when they walk into a room or sit down at a meeting. Uh, but it's less about how can I be of help here? And it's more about, okay, what's what's going on? What's the kind of emotional uh temperature in the room, who's having a good day, who's having a bad day, what's kind of the vibe. Um, and then let me speak or say or or not, um, depending on what that is. And I want to avoid saying something where I'm gonna feel like, oh gosh, I just started something and I just caused conflict. Um, I want to avoid that. So they are very in tune. So nines tend to notice everything. Um, they are noticing the shift in someone's energy, they're noticing maybe that the dynamic um with this person or with the team has been off for weeks. So, as a nine, trust those observations. Those are you, you are tuned in, you are dialed in, you are seeing what you are seeing is is accurate. But then make sure that those observations about the shift and the energy and the dynamic get translated into something that's a little bit more tangible, a little bit more concrete, um, into some more observable language. So saying something like, in the last few team meetings, hey, I've noticed you've been pretty quiet when we're brainstorming is something that the person can work with rather than something seems off, right? The last few team meetings, I've noticed you've been pretty quiet when we're brainstorming. That's very, that's that's much more specific, and that's something that the the person can can respond to and you can have a um a more tangible conversation around. All right. With that, um, and by by no means is this an all-inclusive list of do's and don'ts, right? These are these are just some some things to reflect on if you're doing, not doing, maybe something you should start doing, maybe something you should stop doing. Um, and with the stop doing, we're gonna look at things, three things to avoid as a type nine when giving feedback. And the first one is not gonna be easy, um, especially if this isn't something you've had a lot of practice on. I think um our type nines in leadership who have been our very successful, very influential leaders, have uh maybe grown and developed to be more intentional in this area, but you wanna be careful about not softening the message so much that it completely disappears. So um this is probably um a very common challenge for our type for many type nines out there. I don't want I never want to say all, but many time nine, many type nines out there where they um and I I can be guilty of this too as an as a Enneagram type seven or somebody who identifies most with that. Um, I also can relate so much to many of the type nine uh struggles because I too struggle, you know, to avoid difficult conversations. They're for different reasons. So I just want to say type nines, you you are not alone on here. Um the feedback that you're wanting to give, you can give so many qualifiers. Um and that, oh gosh, as I'm like reading my notes here, I'm like, ugh, I I do this too. So it's almost painful for me to say because I have struggled with this myself. So um you might say things before giving this feedback, like, ah, it's probably not a big deal. Um it's likely, you know, uh I'm I'm off base here. I I could be wrong. You know, I just I just wanted to mention real quick uh dot dot dot dot, right? And then by the time you get through those qualifiers, the other person walks away kind of unclear of of what is being said and probably um not understanding either the urgency or the importance of what you are saying. And so uh this is one thing that we'll talk to about our nines, our twos, uh, probably need to start incorporating our sevens a little bit more too, where it's clear is kind, giving clear feedback is kind. It may not feel nice, but that person is going to be able to change and grow because of the clear feedback you're giving them. And that is a kind thing. Um, so being being clear is kind, and being clear and kind are not in conflict with one another. Like both both can be can be really helpful. So that that's gonna be one that will a sevens, nines to some version of that will probably have to be more intentional than some of the others on. Um, waiting until you're frustrated to finally say something is another thing to be cautious of, another don't when giving feedback. So uh and you you nines, you can absorb a lot of frustration uh before you finally feel like you need to speak up. And then when you do, because you've held it in for so long, there's oftentimes more emotion underneath it than um either you or the person you're giving the feedback expected. So the goal here is to give feedback before you are at your limit, before you're about to turn into the Hulk and just go nuclear and you know, before it's it's long overdue, right? Um as much as you can, you want to catch it early. So and catch it when it's a it's a small issue, so you're not as emotionally charged in that delivery of it. Um, that's always gonna be better than then having to bring up something that's really a big deal. Um, and then it's you know, so much time has gone by. And then the last thing to avoid when giving feedback as a type nine is letting your comfort level kind of set the tone, set the agenda. So um, what might happen if the other person pushes back or gets defensive or um seems uncomfortable themselves? Again, because you your main strategy is striving to feel peaceful, avoiding conflict is one of your ultimate goals here. Your natural instinct is going to be to pull back, to backpedal, um, maybe go into reassurance, soften what was just said. So you want to be careful that again, the message does not get left when this will inevitably happen with some in some team member at some point. So a great way to kind of prepare yourself for that is to practice saying what you came in to say. You can be both compassionate and hold your ground, right? You can be both clear and kind. And these are all reminders that myself needs to hear again. So I'm I'm sharing this on the podcast, but by no means have I mastered this either. So um just know, you know, you're not alone. And again, I think um nines who have been in leadership roles for a long time would probably tell you that these were some of their early struggles. And if you have a seasoned nine in your life on your team, you know, I would I would be curious um to hear what they have to say about some of these do's and don'ts and what um they've done to navigate and to kind of grow grow through those. So um, you know, we've talked about kind of a phrase to an opening phrase for each of the the uh types to share when they're sitting down. And a type nine might say something like, I want to share something with you because I I think it matters how things go and and because I think you can do something with this feedback. And that says, Hey, I believe in you, like I I see success in you. Um, we just you know, we gotta work on this, we gotta work on this thing over here. Um, however, you know, I I'm sharing this with you because it's important and I I want you to succeed. So some version of that. Um the nine is such a um accepting, understanding, patient, warm, typically very approachable, level-headed person. And so just remember your strengths when you're going into these conversations, like like any type, remembering their strengths that there is, yes, there's maybe some things that you might struggle with, and there's also some things that you are really, really good at. And so don't discount those, don't forget about those, bring those in with you and you know, be aware of the the areas that you might struggle with as well. So if this resonated, uh, I'm gonna ask you to share it with a type nine on your own team or maybe a manager uh that leads a type nine. And if you happen to be a type nine and have some additional insights, some additional tips for other um for fellow type nines that you would like to share, um, I'd love to hear from you enneagrammba.com forward slash contact. And then these are conversations that um we talk about, we look at understanding more, um, how to tangible ways that we can um navigate these difficult situations or just sometimes uncomfortable conversations at work inside our workshops. So I'm gonna invite you to check out our programs, our standalone retreat workshops over at enneagrammba.com. And then we also have a new uh resource specifically for managers. It's the manager prompt pack. And inside here, there are shockingly prompts, um, conversation starters, reminders for leading and managing each of the types that might also be helpful in some of these um uncomfortable conversations uh at work that you might be having. And those are also over at Enneagram MBA.com over on our resources and guides page. So as always, thank you for being here. Uh if you're joining us for the first time, thank you for joining us. I hope to see you in another one. And uh I look forward to talking about, we'll do another uh chemistry um coworker matchup soon, and then we'll be back to talk about uh tips for our type eight next week in uh giving feedback.