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You're listening to another episode here on the Enneagram at Word Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Wallace, founder and managing director here at Enneagram MBA, a team training company. And today we are talking about our type eights and why directness and intensity doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as anger. And I guess rather than why, it's just a reminder, rather, that directness and intensity are not the same thing as anger. I think sometimes our type eights have a reputation for being bullies, um, conflict-seeking, angry all the time. Um, and I don't know that they would describe themselves that way most of the time. Sure, sometimes maybe. Um, but a lot of times I think they would say, Oh, I'm I'm just really, I'm just really passionate. So, as a quick reminder, our type eights are striving to feel powerful. Um, they are focused on uh producing a result. They want the power to produce a result, to make big things happen. If they had a company slogan, it would be Nike, just do it. Um typically when they walk into a room, they are interested in understanding who has the power, who's in charge here. And secondly, are they worthy of it? And then thirdly, if not, then I let me step in and take it. Then I'll, then I will take it. Um, I think I hear from a lot of eights that that is also a stereotype for them, that they feel like, oh, I, you know, they always have to be in, I always have to be in charge as a type A. I can never be led. And a lot of eights will say, no, I I absolutely can be led. I just need to, I just need to respect um and trust the person that is leading me. But but if I have that, uh, I can I can absolutely be a follower. Um, but when that's not there, I can absolutely take charge. And a lot of times, you know, we're in a room and somebody needs to take charge. And I might actually feel so tired of always having to be the one to carry the, you know, the position of of leadership. Um, and maybe I I don't necessarily want to, but also I don't want to be led by somebody who's not capable. Um, and I may very well be the best leader of the group. So I guess I will go ahead and take charge, especially if nobody else is going to volunteer. So um in the workplace and and in life, but in the workplace, um, our type eights bring so much courage. Um, they bring decisiveness, uh, they bring protection to the group. I've heard this before, and um I've I've shared this story on another podcast episode, if not more than one, where we went around and we're sharing strengths that we see in one another. And the type eight leader heard from many around the table on his team that yeah, sometimes maybe he he could be a little scary to approach, but when they had a problem, when they felt like they were in trouble, when they didn't know what to do, they would go into his office and just be able to feel like, I know that you're gonna help me take care of this. I know that you're going to stand up for me. I know that you're gonna give me the the help me have the confidence to handle this. And that the type eight leader was so moved, uh, because he did think that people just thought he was kind of grumpy and angry and scary. Um so that was kind of nice. And and and eights absolutely provide that protection. Like once you're in their inner circle, um, it's kind of a little bit of that mob mentality. It takes a long time to get there, but once you're in, they're gonna protect you fiercely. Um, they don't want to avoid being, they don't want to be taken advantage of, and they absolutely don't want anybody in their inner circle, the people that they care about either to be taken advantage of. Um, they have a willingness to say what nobody else wants to say. And sometimes that is such a relief to have somebody like that in the room. And then I think for the type eight, sometimes that it that can be a heavy burden. Um sometimes it's like, I mean, I know what needs to be said. Do I always have to be the one to say it? Because then now it's gonna make me look like I'm grumpy and angry again. Um, and so you know, they tend to naturally be good at those things. Um, sometimes, though, people can misread some of that energy um when it comes to their tone, um, when it comes to the pace at which they move things forward, which is typically very fast, um, the volume of their voice or just the intensity that they bring, the certainty behind whatever it is that they're saying. And they are not afraid to ask challenging questions. Um, and again, it's not coming from a place of meanness. It's um I really want to know the answer. Um, but again, sometimes the delivery, sometime the tone, it can come across maybe a little more harsh than than what's intended. Um and so things that the type eight will say, I think a lot of times can get misunderstood, misinterpreted in the way they actually say it. And that's what I hear from a lot of people is that who are not type eights, they'll say, no, after after I was able to calm down or process or just take a moment away, um, I was able to come back the next day and realize what they were saying was actually really fair. Um, but how they said it, I wasn't able to hear it because of the delivery. So, you know, that's one thing that we can work on is really paying attention to what the type A is saying. And then as a type eight, that is something that you may need to work on is dialing in that delivery depending on the situation or who's in front of you. Um, typically, one of the differences between a three and an eight is that a three is a little bit better about that political savviness, knowing who to show up as in what situations and in front of what people. Um, and then kind of that delivery, that intentional delivery, depending on those situations and different people will go along with that. Whereas an eight has a tendency just to be who they are in every single situation and say how they're gonna say something, you know, it's just I said what I said. That's you know, that's take it or leave it. You know, it's on you if you were offended by that kind of thing. Um, so there is that that that is something at times to be admired. And then at other times uh that might be something that needs to be, you know, dialed back a little bit. Um I think the biggest, one of the biggest challenges with the type A in the workplace is um their intention versus what others experience. And so a type A probably has experience with those miscommunication, uh, you know, friction points because of this very thing. And that can happen to all of us. We intend one thing, somebody hears another, right? They experience us another way. Um, that's one of the things I love about the Enneagram, is that we get to do some self-awareness, but we also get to do some others' awareness and understand how others are experiencing us as part of that uh process. And so um, you know, I think sometimes people will um aren't as direct communicators. And because it feels like direct communication means you're angry. And I don't want to come across as angry. I don't want to come across as rude or mean or whatever, fill in the blank. Um, and then I'm, you know, I'm thinking specifically of the type two, striving to feel connected, where they are going to be very sensitive to their delivery and how they say something to someone because they they are very um, they have a lot of attention on that connection. And I don't want to ruin that connection by saying something too harshly or being interpreted as being too harsh or mean. Um I'm thinking of our type sevens who sometimes just want to focus on the positive and don't want to um, you know, talk about the negative, the the bad thing, the sad thing. I'm thinking about our type nines as well, who might want to um avoid the conversation altogether in order to keep the peace. Just smile and nod so we can, so we can keep the peace. So, you know, all types can have their different ways of maybe avoiding that direct communication for a variety of reasons. Um, but a type eight can get incredibly frustrated with it, as well as other types, right? They're not they they're not the only ones who get frustrated on that, um, on indirect communication, but that can be a huge pet peeve for type eights, is just beating around the bush. What I hear from a lot of type eights is they will say, I would rather you upset me. I would rather be mad at you because of because you said something honestly to me and maybe I didn't agree with it, but I will respect you and I will trust you because of that honesty and I will feel that much more safe around you because I can count on you to be honest with me, even if um I'm not gonna like it, even if I'm not gonna like it at first. You know, maybe I'll come around, but even if it's gonna upset me. And so I would rather, you know, go toe-to-toe with you in a meeting and be mad, um, but then be able to respect and trust you after the meeting because you told me how it is, right? Um so that eights really appreciate that honesty and they appreciate that that's what they want. Um, and that's typically what they give is the what they want, right? Um and so just know that when you are communicating with a type eight, um beating around the bush, giving too much backstory, uh, can can be all very frustrating. And so the the growth opportunity here for the type eight, though, is to remember that your impact on the other person, it is still very relevant and it still matters even if your intention is good. So, you know, even if you're like, I because I want to help. You know, I said what I said because I want to help. Well, however the other person received that, it might not have been received as helpful. And so there still is, if you care about that relationship, if that is a relationship that is important to you or a relationship that you need to be somewhat okay, um, there will be a part of that impact, even if that wasn't your intention, that you will have to own and and most likely tweak moving forward. And then on the flip side of that, for our coworkers of a type eight uh to be able to be, you know, a better teammate, a more supportive leader, um, you know, or a team member reporting to a type eight manager is just to be clear as as much as you can. Be concise, be clear, get to the point, say what you mean. Um, don't make them decode a message, don't drop hints. They're they're probably not gonna get the hints. They are moving, they are going far, they are going fast, they are busy, they are making big things happen. And so not only do they not want to decode your message and try to interpret hints, um, they they probably aren't gonna even notice them. So say what you need to say. It's it's most likely not going to hurt their feelings, and they're going to so appreciate it. And your trust with them is just going to grow and grow and grow. Um, now I think with our type one episode that we had a couple of weeks ago where um the type one we were talking about how um does this actually need to be improved was one of their biggest growth questions. Does this actually need to be improved, or is it simply just not how I would have done it? Um, I think the same thing can be applied here, but just with intensity. So does this situation actually require all of my intensity? There very well might be situations where yes, bring it, level 10. Um, but there may be some situations where before you walk into a room, that might just be a quick, just a quick little little check-in with yourself, you know, um, I'm upset about this or this didn't go my way or the way that I had hoped it would. Um, and and rightly so. You you may very well have a right to be upset about it. But does it require your full intensity? Again, maybe, maybe in order to get the point across. Um, but maybe, but maybe not. And so I've really liked that's just a really simple question that you can kind of self-reflect on. Um, you might even need to use it looking back to repair a relationship because a conversation went sideways. Um, but does this situation actually require all of my intensity? So um, of course, like we said with the type one episode along the same topic, um, we said ones, we're not asking you to be less perfect. And I'm gonna say the same to our type eights. We're not asking you to be less powerful. It's to become more intentional with the power that you already have. I'll say that one more time. It we are not asking you to be less powerful, we are asking to, um, or I guess the the challenge is to be more intentional with the power that you do have. And again, you don't have to do this. If everything in your life is going perfect, all your relationships are great and hunky dory, kumbaya, um, then Mike, you know, by no means, don't change a thing. But if there is a relationship, if there is a situation, um, if you, if there is some feedback that you continuously get that's keeping you from, you know, moving to the next level or going where you want to go in your career, um, this could be a really simple, um, not easy, but simple reflection to look at tweaking in various situations. So I'll leave you with that. Um, if you happen to be a type eight listening to this, I wanted to keep this one short. If you were an eight listening to this, short and sweet. Um, and you have something you would like to add to this, a preference that you have that I didn't mention, or um a real world example where a relationship change because you tweak something or somebody understood you better. Um, I always love to hear real world experiences. So please reach out, share, share what you have over at Enneagram MBA.com forward slash contact. Maybe I pass along the story, maybe we bring you on the podcast and share your story directly. Um, but I always love to hear from some for from people who are using the Enneagram in in real life, because this is where it actually becomes useful. We're able to pull it off the pages and and and bring it into the a lot of times the present moment. So with that, um, these are all things that we talk about inside of our um Enneagram introduction workshops. And these are can be really fun and also insightful company retreat experiences where people start to better understand themselves and start to better understand the people that they work with. And especially in a retreat environment, we make it really fun. We use a lot of gifts, we use a lot of memes from the office and shitscreek and uh Ted Lasso and Parks and Wreck so that nobody leaves, definitely not our aides, but you know, nobody leaves a workshop feeling bad about themselves because we've beaten up on you. We really try to make it um positive while also being insightful, bringing some attention to everybody's potential blind spots, but without labeling people. And then also ideally having some fun and being able to laugh with our coworkers. So um this is uh something that we will go through or the nine types and our introduction uh workshops, whether it's two hours or half day. Um we we start with the nine types and then depending on the length, have an opportunity to do um some more interaction if we have more time. So I'm gonna invite you to check out though those options over at anyagrammba.com. And then if this is something you would like to bring to the team yourself, uh we do have our new workshop planning kit that I love. I'm so proud of. Um, it is pretty robust. I think we could charge for it. Um, it is not just a random PDF download. It is access to a variety of resources around setting up the room, a pre-workshop checklist, post-workshop discussion questions, um, sample agendas, um, pitching the Enneagram workshop to your boss, um, and all kinds of other resources. So check that out, Enneagram MBA.com forward slash resources. With that, thank you for being here and I hope to see you in the next one.