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We've all heard the term self-awareness and how it's important to be more self-aware. Emotional intelligence requires us to be more self-aware. But have you ever thought about what we are actually being more aware of? Like what about ourselves are we being more aware of? And in today's episode, we are getting into seven very specific things that make up self-awareness so that you can actually become more self-aware and it not just sound like a great thing to do. And then we're also going to talk a little bit about how the Enneagram can help us understand those seven key things more. So welcome to episode 32, and I will see you inside. Welcome to the Enneagram MBA Podcast, a show for aspiring and growing entrepreneurs and unfulfilled employees who know they are capable of playing bigger. If you are wanting to identify your gifts, find your purpose, do work that matters, and create a ripple effect that goes beyond yourself, you're in the right place. Each week you'll get resources, strategies, and support to help you get to know yourself, to get to know and understand others, like your future clients, and help you get known so that you can reach more people with your gifts and purpose. So grab your notebook or open up your notes app, and I will see you in class. Hey there, and welcome back to another episode here on the Enneagram NBA podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Lynn, and today it's just going to be you and I hanging out. And I just I caught myself saying just, just you and I. And you know what? Even after all this time, I I still do this. I try and catch myself and I try to avoid it, but I still do it. In high school, I had a job hosting at our local, at our local steakhouse. And the owner was always getting on to us hostesses about saying, Oh, just the two of you coming in tonight. Oh, it's just the two of you. He's like, that doesn't sound good. It's like, oh, you're scraps. It's just only two of you. Wish there was more. And so he was always getting on to us about saying, Oh, it's the two of you, the two of you, welcome. So I still do it though, just the two of us. So, anyway, it's going to be the two of us today, you and I, talking about how to actually use the Enneagram and and I guess more so, what can the Enneagram be used for? And it specifically when it comes to self-awareness. And what I'm going to share today are some pieces from a presentation I hosted last week for a group where we got into lots and lots of details about the Enneagram. But before we got into that, I thought it was important to understand why we were talking about all these pieces of this framework called the Enneagram. Like, what is the point of it all? And yes, there is a benefit of becoming more self-aware. But I I sometimes think about that movie, and uh, as I'm I'm blanky, like I can see the meme, but I I'm forgetting the name of the movie where it's Will Farrell and the guy who played Napoleon Dynamite and like it's this ice skating movie. And Will Farrell's like, nobody knows what it means, but it sounds good and it gets the people going. And I feel like self-awareness is one of those terms where it's like, oh yeah, I'm so self-aware. Um, they're so self-aware. It's like like living your best life, look being your fullest self. It's like, yes, I am all in for all of that, fully support all of that. But what exact, what exactly does it mean? Because if we don't understand exactly what it means, it's hard to actually get get it, get there to to reap the benefit of that thing that sounds so good and that we want so much. But what what actually what what is it? So we're gonna talk a little bit about um self-awareness specifically and how you can use it in your own life to have a more intentional life, to live your fullest self. And that those are things, you know, the the fullest self is a question that I always ask my guests. And it's always fun to hear how they define that. So it is very much defined by on your own terms. So if you don't know what that is for you yet, that's a great place to start. But then once you do, we're gonna talk about specifically seven parts of self-awareness that can help you reach that point of who you wanna be, or at least get closer to who you want to be, where you want to go. And last week when I did this presentation, I shared this really short story, and I'll share with you here too, to kind of tee this conversation up about this. I think that it was a monk at the time, back in the day when we had dirt roads. This gentleman was walking down the road and he heard this galloping behind him. He turned around, he saw another man on a horse riding by. And as the horse and man passed by the gentleman walking, they slowed down. And the gentleman walking said, Oh, hi, um, you know, how are you? Where are you headed to? And the man on the horse said, I don't know, ask the horse. And that horse kind of represents how so many of us sometimes can get caught in living our own lives. So we're on default mode. We're the rider instead of the driver. We're go on autopilot, allowing ourselves to get caught up in the current of life, allowing it to take us where it may. And I do think that there is a, I don't know if it's a balance, but there is there is this need for both allowing and releasing control and just controlling the things that you can't control. Um, and then there's also though being intentional about allowing, you're allowing. And so what I'm talking about today is when we're kind of uh, you know, going through the motions. And one of the best examples that comes to mind when I talk about this is when we used to do more commuting when we were driving into the office more, we would leave the office, or at least this is something that happened to me. I don't know if it's happened to you before. I I've heard it has. So um, maybe you'll know what I'm talking about. Where you leave the office, and then the next thing you know, you're pulling into your driveway at home and you're like, oh my God, how'd I get here? I feel like, gosh, that was kind of scary. I spaced out, but it's just because you've done it so many times, your body knows what to do. You get in the car and it takes over, right? You don't have to really put a lot of intention behind getting home. And that's what can happen sometimes in in life. We can be on that default mode and we're not happy, but we're comfortable, right? And so why make a change or you know, a change with a change, there's a lot of uncertainty. Um, and when you admit sometimes that life isn't going how you want it to, that there's a problem with your job, with a relationship, with with whatever. Um, it's you know, a lot of times when when you admit it, then it's like, okay, I know. And what now that I know this, I now have a choice to make. Now it's am I gonna stay in this or am I gonna am I gonna not uh make a different choice? And with choice comes uncertainty because you don't know what's on the other side of the other choice. And so um it can be scary. And that's why, yeah, sometimes being on default mode is easier, is more comfortable. And there is so much talk about self-sabotaging behaviors like getting in your own way. And I I get it, and I've said those things, and I totally am on board with with the the intention and meaning behind that. And also, I think sometimes we over-demonize um those those tendencies, those patterns, those that the default mode that got us to maybe where we're at right now, feeling maybe stuck or behind or whatever, because it it protected us for from something. Um, it allowed us just maybe we just needed to go through the motions, maybe we just needed to keep going for whatever reason. And so our our autopilot kicked in. Um, and then sometimes, you know, too, it's just we get caught up in what we should want, what we should want to do. And so the autopilot takes us in, it's like, well, I don't know, I'm probably crazy for wanting this, or I'm probably um wrong for thinking about something differently. And so I'm just going to not cause any um waves. I'm just gonna go with the flow, um, which I know our type nines get um has a reputation for. And and yes, that is a characteristic, um, but we all can do that, right? We can all get caught up in the flow of our the current rather of our common tendencies that our patterns, behaviors that that maybe don't allow us to live our best self, live our fullest life. And um, there is a book that I'm reading right now called Um Insight. And I just had the title up here, Insight, the Power of Self-Awareness in a Self-Diluded World by Tamara Urick. And she outlined seven pieces of self-awareness to help us take ourselves off that default mode and not allow the horse to be the driver, but instead take the reins back and be the driver of our own life. And those seven things are values, which are the principles that guide you. Um, number two is passions. What are those things that you love to do? The third one, excuse me, was aspirations, what you want to experience and achieve. Number four was fit, the environment you need to be happy and engaged. And I will tell you, this isn't something that I really thought about until the last few years, until recently. I never thought, what's my best environment? I just was like, oh, I don't like the feeling of this. I don't, I'm not in a good mood when I come here or am in this environment. Um, whether it's the uh the apartment that I was renting or the office that I was working at. And actually, had I known this, had I been more self-aware, specifically in this area, maybe I could have advocated for myself more. But I just knew I don't, I didn't like this office that I was in. It was um a small room that had actually been walled off in half to create a space for two people to be able to work in. And it wasn't even a full wall, it was just a you know, a wall that went up and there was still, so you could still hear the sound, but it it helped a little bit, but still that wall was there, and this, and then it created even less space, and then um these gray walls, and then there was a window, which I was lucky enough to have, but the window overlooked the parking lot to this kind of just very like plain office complex. And um, I just was I just remember feeling like oh my god, just such dread knowing every day, most every day, I had to go and sit down in these gray walls overlooking the parking lot. And you know, I wonder how how maybe my attitude or my mood would have been different if we could have worked from a coffee house or occasionally worked from home. Um, I I don't know, you know, maybe I needed to, it was the wrong space to even be in in the first place, right? Had I known like, okay, I just know for me, this is not a working environment that's gonna allow me to thrive regardless of the work that I'm doing. But for somebody else, you might be thinking, you might be listening and thinking, oh my gosh, that sounds really cozy. That sounds really, you know, safe and secure. It's like you know where you're gonna be, it's quiet. Um, you can decorate it however you want to. And I did, like I put some uh decor on the walls, I brought in photos, I had a candle, and it that helped for a few days, and then it would go back to being like, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm like a caged animal. I need to claw myself out of this little box. But again, that was that was a me and understanding that. And I I, you know, if I just would have known, oh my gosh, these are this is the environment that I really thrive in. And of course we're gonna be in environments where that's not always possible, but as much as possible, as much as we can, um, like let's put ourselves in those environments where we thrive. And I said, you know, working in a coffee shop, but I know from talking to other people that sounds like a nightmare. It's so loud, it can be so distracting. How can anybody get anything done? How can anybody hear themselves think? And for me, I love it. I love the buzz. I love like people coming in and out. I don't have a hard time concentrating. I find it like really um relaxing and calming. So it's just like knowing yourself again, being self-aware. And I love how she has broken out these pieces to make it really tangible. It's like, okay, I'm self-aware about my values. What are these things that guide me? And those tend to be our um core motives for each of the Enneagram types. Like, what is the thing that we are really running towards and also running away from? And we have talked about those um in in various other episodes. So you can go back and listen, especially specifically episode one would give you insight into that if you haven't already. Um, but that's kind of you know, what are those, like what am I really, what's the motive behind those behaviors? What's my values behind the way that I'm acting? And then understanding our passions and allowing our yourself to embrace those passions, our aspirations fit. And then number five is understanding what are our patterns, what are those consistent ways of thinking, feeling, and behavior? And then number six is what are our reactions? How do we tend to react? What's our autopilot? What's our default reaction? When we get triggered, do we immediately get angry and blow up? Do we immediately withdraw, stonewall, pull away? What do we think and feel? And then how do we behave when those things, those situations, those conflict, people, you know, I just said situations. I was gonna say situations again, but situations happen that cause those default reactions, understanding those, and then understanding the impact that we have on other people. So values, passions, aspirations, fit, patterns, reactions, and impact are the seven pieces of self-awareness, according to um Tamra York. And I I think that the that's so helpful and understanding, helping you get clear on who you are, what do you stand for, and then also who do you want to be and where do you want to go? And these understanding and getting some clarity on these things can be extremely helpful. It's like, oh my gosh, yeah, maybe I feel stuck because I haven't really clarified what are my aspirations in life, or maybe I feel stuck because of the environment that I'm in, or I keep having the same reaction to everything, and I'm just stuck on in this cul-de-sac, right? And um, or may and then also I like that she listed the impact on others because that is a very important piece of self-awareness that sometimes gets forgotten about. She had shared her definition of self-awareness is the will and the skill to understand yourself and how others see you. So understand yourself and how others see you. And it's one thing to be to understand yourself and to kind of live in this silo world and maybe um, you know, I'm thinking of just like a very stereotypical example of somebody who's all of a sudden got into yoga retreats and um meditation retreats and journaling and doing all these things to be like very self-reflective. And that that's so important, and there's so much that can come from that. At the same time, if that's all that you're doing, you are missing a huge piece of self-awareness in the impact that you're having on others because maybe you're doing that, maybe you're you're really in touch with yourself, your feelings, your thoughts, understanding yourself better, which is so great. Um, but then you're missing this piece about you know how your actions are affecting other people, how you're how you're impacting those around you that that you care about, whether it's your family, significant other, co-workers, team, friends. And also, I like that she pointed out that it has to be, you have to be willing, right? And then you also have to have the skill to understand yourself and how others see you. And I think the Enneagram is such a great way to develop that skill, to give you some guidance. And we talk about you, I I've said this before too, and I'm trying to move away from this, calling it a tool, because when you think about a tool, it's okay, I need to use this tool to fix something. We typically don't use tools if something doesn't need fixing, and there's nothing about us that necessarily needs fixing, and there's also it's not going, it's it's not gonna be done. We're not gonna use the tool and be like, okay, my work here is done. Let's put it away, right? And so how I've started thinking about it instead is like a mirror where you might get dressed for the day. And actually, this just happened to me. I get dressed, I get my Christmas sweatshirt on um at the time of this recording. It's very soft Christmas sweater. I um I put on my makeup and I have to use the mirror to to do my makeup. And then I, you know, I walk away, go out with my day, and I'm I'm visit the mirror later, and I'm like, oh my gosh, my my lipstick has smeared like across the bottom of my chin. Like, thank God, you know, I looked at the mirror again before I did a video, and then like my mascaras kind of got runny. Um, but then also I'm like, oh my gosh, this Christmas sweater is so cute. I'm looking so cozy. And I wouldn't have known that though had the mirror not been held up, or I had walked into a mirror and and looked at it. And so that's all that the Enneagram is doing. It's it's helping you see the things that might be harder for you to see, or you may not be aware of just because you know, we can't see our own face, right? Our eyes are pointing outward. It's hard to get a look at us without that mirror. And so that is what the Enneagram can do for us. It's it's just helping us see things, both the amazing things, the strengths, the superpowers that are already there, and also some of those things that might be um those patterns that are shining light on where we are on default mode and not living intentional, not being intentional about our life. Um, I also like to think of it as a map. And each type has their own map, and even within the types, there's all kinds of different maps. And each, so ultimately each of us are gonna have our own map. But the the Enneagram kind of gives you at least an idea of what your individual map might look like, and it's going to not, it's not like, okay, this is the map for everybody, or it's also not a set of instructions where it's like, okay, follow these 10 steps and then you'll get to this result. And that I I like those kind of things too because it feels like really certain. And it's like, okay, I like to have this sometimes to be like, yep, check, check, check. Oh, I did everything right. Why is it still not working though? And then you can kind of like blame the instructions, right? And the the the problem with that sometimes is that those instructions might have worked for somebody else. Um, though they probably did work for somebody else, multiple people, but because we're different, because we're motivated, made of motivated by different things, because going back to that list of Seven things because we have different um aspirations and passions and values and patterns and reactions and impact on others and the environment that that fit is going to be different for us. It's going to be different for everybody. And so what worked for one person may not work for us, probably won't always work for us. And so if you can look at it like a map, it's like, okay, based on my values, those guiding principles in my life, like here's here's the the the kind of the path for me. And then you get to put on your own destination. Like, where do you want to go? And that's the most important part of your map. And then where are you starting at right now? So you know where you're starting from is also another important part of that map. And Enneagram can shine some light on where you're starting from and then also shine a light on a potential path to get you there, knowing that you're gonna have to stop along the way. And that's gonna be up to you, right? You're you may have to stop along the way and rest. You may take a wrong turn and have to turn back around. You may take the long way around, you may find a shortcut. And so it's not a, you know, an instruction book for how to live life, but rather a map that is totally up to you. And we won't get there to that destination, but we'll continue to move in the best direction for us and not have to feel bad, you know. Oh, we skipped a couple steps, or oh, we didn't do step five right. No, there's none of that. It's a map, and it's you know, up to you how long you want it to take, how many times you stop and rest, uh, you know, how yeah, how far you go in one day or at one time. And so I I like to think of it um like that too, just being being a map and not so like a tool or instruction book for your type. Um and so if if this is a journey that you feel like, you know, I I'm not super clear on where I want to go, but I know that this isn't necessarily it. And this actually this happened for me because I have been, I have been very lost and confused for my entire career for the most part, because I thought that there was one path for me, and I just wasn't finding it. But if I could just find it, then everything would fall into place. And so what I did was I just kept circling and circling and circling the same spot. And I had another friend who I had met when I was living in Chicago, and we had we had worked together. He was actually um my manager at the time, and he had a very lucrative um salary, a great job title, it's a great company, amazing benefits with a very promising um, you know, promotion path um to having even more of all those things. But he felt like, yeah, he was on the default mode going along in this current of life of doing things that like he should do, but he had this tug at his heart to open up his own fitness studio to get into the health and fitness space to become a trainer. And so he took this massive leap of leaving the comfort and the certainty, but the kind of the default autopilot of mode, and then turn on and be very intentional, but also leap into the unknown and uncertainty. And he did it. And five years later, he had opened up multiple gyms, had all kinds of different projects that were related to the health and fitness space, doing different um collaborations and really living this dream even bigger than he had planned in the in in the beginning when we had talked. And I found myself really almost in the same place. I had had a had a child, and so a lot of other things had had happened, maybe that, you know, I don't know that if that's just an excuse, it probably is. Um, but the the point of that is that I was really in the same place five years later. He had taken this leap and taken this risk, and it had paid off for him. And look at where he was, and we had gotten, we had been talking, and I we had actually had a call. Um, we had talked on a lunch break that I had, and I was walking around the office complex parking lot, and he was filling me in about his life, and I was like, wow, I am still standing here in comfort and not necessarily like happiness or um feeling like I was living up to my potential. But I was just, yeah, circling, circling, circling, circling, circling for years. And so it wasn't like that moment I was like, okay, everything blowing up, everything, I'm changing, but but that was a significant, you know, like point, um, line in the sand, whatever it's saying you want to say, where that just really got me thinking, that really kind of started, started the shift and a turn off that default mode, turn on intentionality. And it wasn't just one swoop, one turn, it was just like, let's just crank it over just a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. But that's kind of what started the the tiny shifts to where I am now. And so if that is something that you feel like, if you feel like you can relate to that story and relate to that situation, um, that those are things that we talk about and work through in the one-on-one coaching that I do. And I have a program right now called the Conscious CEO. I am gonna be rebranding it and changing up the pricing next year, increasing the pricing. So if if this is something that you're thinking, like, yes, wow, yes, I feel like I'm I'm on this autopilot. I feel like I am hypothetically getting in my car after work and driving home and kind of not realizing how I'm getting there because it's so autopilot. If you feel like that about any area of your life, we use the Enneagram to help shine light on those areas that you might want to change, but maybe do feel scary. But by understanding yourself better, you can make more calculated risks. You can, um, you won't ever know, but you can have a tiny bit more certainty. You can have a tiny bit that you know because you know yourself rather than just jumping off the cliff and you know, hoping the net will appear. It's like, well, I'm gonna take a little bit more calculated risk and know that if I jump over on this side because I know this about myself, I'm gonna have more of a chance of that net coming out for me. And so that's what we'll do together when we when you join the not even join, but enroll in this eight-week conscious CEO program that's available right now. And I like doing the one-on-one because it's all about you, right? We're only talking about you. We're only talking about your passions, your aspirations, your fit patterns, reactions, the impact on others, and then using your Enneagram type and all the other things that go along with it to help you identify where you want to go and then also understand where you're at right now to start creating your own map so that you can be more intentional, start that journey of intentional living. Um, and if you end up staying exactly where you are, that's fine too. You don't have to change, you don't have to necessarily fix anything, but the benefit is knowing exactly like being awake to that choice, being very conscious, being very intentional. Like I am choosing this, I am in charge, I am making this choice. And so um you get to do that. So if that is something you're interested in, I'm gonna invite you to check out um the my website over at Sarah Lynn Co.com forward slash theconscious CEO, and we'll I'll add a link in the show notes. Um, like I said, I'm gonna be making some changes, increasing the price next year. So if that's something at all you're thinking about, um check it out. We can set up a call to talk more. I would love to chat with you and see how I might be able to help. So until then, um, have a great week. And I will be talking to you next week, talking about the second most important Enneagram type on the Enneagram.