Welcome to the Enneagram MBA Podcast, a show for aspiring and growing entrepreneurs and unfulfilled employees who know they are capable of playing bigger. If you are wanting to identify your gifts, find your purpose, do work that matters, and create a ripple effect that goes beyond yourself, you're in the right place. Each week you'll get resources, strategies, and support to help you get to know yourself, to get to know and understand others like your future clients, and help you get known so that you can reach more people with your gifts and purpose. So grab your notebook or open up your notes app, and I will see you in class. Hey, happy new year! It has been a little bit, a couple weeks since we've gotten to connect on here. So I'm excited, I'm ready to be back. I did scale back, kind of go in a little bit of hiding the last couple of weeks of December, just to kind of recharge and get some clarity on where am I going next year, and then reflect back and appreciate and recognize, and also just kind of you know see what lessons were learned from 2021. So this is some of where this episode comes from is that reflection, and then also, you know, people are always wanting to know what their type is in the beginning. How do I find my type? How do I know which type I am? And then there's always some version of this question around, well, what do I do with it now that I know what it is? Like, how can I actually use it? And I actually had a call yesterday with somebody who was saying that they had been studying the Instagram for the last five years personally and felt really knowledgeable in all the different things, but they were still struggling sometimes to understand how to actually use that information for a transformation. So there is very much um that where you can just learn, learn, learn all about it and become an expert at the Enneagram, at your type. But the real change, the real power of the Enneagram is when you start to apply it, embody it, practice it, and yeah, use it in your life so that you can actually make a change. It's like that quote that you've heard me probably say if you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time about knowledge isn't power. It's what you do with the knowledge that is power. So giving you some ideas for how I personally use the Enneagram on my own Enneagram journey. Um, and then also just to let you know that there are still so many things that I struggle with, and I wish I didn't, but you know, that's just part of that's part of growth. So, you know, as you start to learn about your type, sometimes it can be a little crunch and like embarrassing or shameful or gosh, I can't believe I do this, or you may not want to see that you do certain things in the beginning, and all that's okay. Um, however that unfolds for you in your own time. Um, but I also want to let you know, like I'm right there with you, even though I I you know teach about the Enneagram, talk about the Enneagram, self-awareness. It's like I am still on my own journey myself, right there with you. So I get it. So you'll you'll hear some of that today. Some of this is like, oh, crunchy for myself. But I shared a post over on um social media, LinkedIn and Instagram, about how my core desire as a seven looking for satisfaction and fulfillment and contentment um has played into um a lesson that I learned around having satisfaction without excitement and how excitement and satisfaction have been tied together and just different examples. So you can check that out. But I also had mentioned um that I was going to share some additional aha's and things that I'm learning outside of that about my type specifically. Again, even if you're not a type 7, I think some of this will still be helpful in understanding the different ways that the Enneagram can help you, the different pieces of the Enneagram that you may or may not be aware of, uh, and then how to how to use those pieces, how to think about those pieces, just other ideas for how I'm using them. Um and then um, yeah, just to again let you know, you know, I struggle with all of this stuff as well. So um I had talked about my core motivation over on social media, so check that out if you haven't already. The other thing that I was gonna share with you that has come up for me this year is the core fear for the type 7 around um avoiding difficult conversations, emotional pain, running away from that. And this year has been a huge growth journey. I still have so far to go, but more than any other year, I say this year, 2021, um, has been really um I've felt like I've really grown a lot in being able to sit in emotional uncomfortableness and specifically to handle better, not perfect, not even good, but better, um, conflict and not not running away. And this has come up in my personal relationship with my boyfriend, and I feel like normally there have been some um pretty intense conflicts, some pretty intense fights that we've had this year where um I have wanted to run away. I have wanted to, you know, leave, be done, quit, throw in the towel, like it's it shouldn't be this hard. Um, and I actually connected with another type 7 who um is it went through Enneagram University with me, and so we stayed in touch um on social media, and and she actually coaches um with the Enneagram with um for relationships and for couples. So she's very versed in this, but she was also saying her typical pattern in the past was very much to also quit and leave and run away, um, thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else and it shouldn't be this hard. And so we were just kind of, you know, um I don't know, I don't I wouldn't say like bonding necessarily, but just sharing a very similar experience because sometimes you can feel like, gosh, there's something wrong with me. I'm the only one that feels like this. Um, I gotta get it together, and um, especially for type sevens, but I think we can all sometimes relate to this this feeling and in some way or another of just like, oh, it's probably better somewhere else. And it's like the saying goes, it's better where you it's greener where you water it. And so that has very much shown up for me this year. And even though he may not always see it, we usually talk, we always talk about our fights afterwards and you know what we were thinking and and how we were experiencing the other person, even if we're not always able to do it in real time because the emotions are so strong and intense. Um, and there have been times where I've made the movements to leave and made the threats and that sort of thing, which I'm not proud of. Um, but we've never actually that's never that didn't happen. So that's a win for me, even though that may not seem like a win. And then um, there have been other times where we have fought, and my brain is saying it's going crazy, and like just get out of here, just leave, see this wasn't gonna work, it's too hard, you don't want all this drama, all this conflict in your life, and we don't need to fight a lot, so it's just how I have typically like my pattern, my my um tendency is to think like, oh, I need to be happy, it needs to be amazing and um good all the time. And you know, like that's just not how life in general works, let alone a relationship. So there have been times where I my brain is going off like that, and then I'm thinking, okay, this is just a story my brain is saying, like, what would happen if I just stayed a few minutes longer? What would happen if I allow this conversation to go on? And that is a struggle very much for me now is to to be having a conversation. I just got called out for this last week, actually. A mini little conflict, and I was like, I can't talk about this right now, I have things to do, and it's like, well, I I could have, right? I could have. So, but being aware of that, and maybe it means that I still do those things, still leave and say I don't have time for this, or I can't handle this right now, but make it a point to say I need some space, but let me come back in 20 minutes. Or before I say that, question, is that really true? Or even if I come back later and say, you know, I could have done that. I could, you know, be humble, be aware, be honest, and say, I could have, I could have stayed, I could have had that conversation. I know that this is something I do, and I'm continuing to work on it. Like, those are all ways to improve. And so sharing that with you as a way, I'm sure you have kind of your own recurring habits and patterns and and recurring issues, behaviors that cause the same fight or a theme of the same conflict or issue in your life in some way, relationship or work or whatever. And by being aware, I don't think that anybody should have the expectation that it's like, well, you learned about that you do this, so you should never do it again because now you're aware. It's like, no, no, now you're aware. So you can practice and and continue to be aware and to grow that awareness and to to grow your abilities at getting better, but don't beat yourself up. And I'm this is a reminder for myself that even though you're aware, even though you know it logically, um, in theory, that when you actually apply it to life, it's harder. Yeah, it is, it is. So I'm I'm right there struggling with you to to put things into practice and to do them, to do them better, to do them well. Um the other thing that that's kind of a joke between my boyfriend and I, but it is something that I I do, and I really became aware of it this year and last year, 2021, more than any, any other time, is this uh how I rationalize things, positively reframe things. And um he's brought it up to me that I will he'll come to me with a problem and then I'll just reframe it in a positive way so that it's not his fault, so that he doesn't have to feel bad about it, or oh well, it could have been this way. And so we've started joking. He's like, it's like I come home, I tell you I ran over a dog, which he hasn't. But it's like I would say, Well, you know, it's okay. At least it wasn't two dogs that he ran over. Like, you're fine, it's fine, don't worry, it wasn't two. Um, and instead, what he really needs is just really a space to to vent and to to talk through it without me trying to to put a positive spin on it. And that is very much a type 7 specific behavior. Um, rationalization or reframing is the defense mechanism for the type 7. Each type has a defense mechanism, which is is kind of like the the first line of defense against any sort of uncomfortable feelings, and each type has their own. And for a seven, it's that. And so when he's been when he brought that to my attention, it was like, oh my gosh, I do that. And and this is the thing about Enneagram awareness and learning about the Enneagram, and then it's a whole other level to actually apply it and to to come to to come to terms with how it may be showing up for you, even if you don't want to see it. Because I I read that one multiple times in in past years and was like, yeah, I mean, I guess I do that, or I I could see that, but the more aware that I am, and then the more that I'm willing to allow somebody else to to share their experience of how they're experiencing me um and my impact on them, the more that this one has really come to light. So we all have those defense mechanisms. So um that's why too sometimes, yes, you can only type yourself with Enneagram, um, but sometimes all the time, you can only see what you're aware of. And the benefit of having somebody, you know, in my case, my boyfriend, I have a friend, um, my own coaching, it's like they're able to hold a mirror up to you and allow you to see things that are there, it's just you're blind to because you can't see them, you can't always see the label outside of your own jar. And so that is the benefit sometimes of having a coach or having a a friend, a relationship that you really trust to give it to you honestly, so that you can start to notice those blind spots and to work and practice on those things. The other thing that um type sevens specifically struggle with that I have noticed um in myself that I will continue to have to work on and want to work on is the passion, the emotional pattern. Again, each type has a vice, it's called um a passion, emotional pattern. Um, all seven or all nine have them. For a seven, it's gluttony. For um a one, it's anger or resentment, and so and so on. And gluttony, I was like, I mean, again, I was like, I mean, I guess, I guess I can see it. It's not about food and overeating, it's more about overindulging in things that make you feel good, um, things that you like. It's like, oh my gosh, it's not enough just to have a little slice of pie. Well, it's this eating example, let's see. It's like for me, I've noticed it's really about um the overconsumption of experiences, collecting of experiences, this need to have like, oh, I need to have all these really exciting fun experiences. I need to collect almost, be a collector of these fun experiences, which I think is really beautiful in one way. You know, I'm not so much obsessed with um is this me rationalizing right now. Um, it's not so much needing to collect material things, which for some people that that's a thing. Um, and that's that's okay too. Um I will say there's this whole idea of like minimalization, and I heard somebody talking about maximalization at one point, and I was like, Yeah, we why why is that not okay? Like if you really love something, like if you really love um books or makeup or you know, whatever, like why not surround yourself and be really intentional? I think that's what it comes down to is like, how do I know like when is too much too much, or is this healthy? Is this a good thing? Or is this um am I overdoing it and it's actually hurting me? And I I think it just comes down to like why are you doing it? Are you wanting to collect all those experiences because you're running away from something and you're avoiding something? Are you wanting to go shopping and and get all those get new clothes because you're avoiding something, you're wanting to, you know, fill a hole, whatever it might be. Or is it because you know, I just really feel my best when I'm in a really nice outfit or you know, whatever. But again, the intention, I'm not the adjudge of the intention, it's just you to to be aware and make that decision for yourself. Um, for me, I've noticed it comes down to like knowledge and books, and I just I am a I am I have a lot of gluttony when it comes down to um needing to like wanting to dive into a s a topic and just get consumed by it. Like a wave will come over me and then I will just swim in the deep end with it until one day I'm like, I'm over it. And like right now, I'm even questioning I I've gotten into puzzles um over the holidays, and it's like, oh, I couldn't just buy one puzzle, I had to buy like three 1,000 piece puzzles, and it's like, did I need to do all that? It's like, oh, I just wanted to have them, I just I don't know what it was, I just wanted them. So again, knowing my natural tendencies as a type 7, as my personality, it's just per you know, seven or not, the Enneagram just helps you to put language to things that maybe you haven't noticed or maybe have noticed, but just didn't know how to express them. And so this gluttony vice or this emotional pattern is very much something that I notice and I continually will need to check in with myself again, just kind of questioning, getting curious about the intention behind like why do I feel like I need 25 books about the Enneagram when I haven't even read half of them cover to cover, right? Um, so that's shown up. The other thing, so we have an emotional fixation, emotional pattern, and then each type also has a mental pattern, a thought fixation. And for the seven, it's planning. And oh my goodness, I do this so much. Again, something else that my boyfriend has called me out on, and again, I read it early in my Enneagram journey, and really last year started to see oh my gosh, I do this too. And the the planning for the type seven, who tends to be few very future focused, um, sixes will plan as well. They're very much in their head planning. Five, six, and sevens, we're we're in our heads. And sixes, though, will tend to plan for the future and and what might go wrong. And for sevens, they tend to plan for all the possibilities, the fun things that could happen, the the fun um trips to go on, the I don't know, dinners to plan, the activities to do, the the um projects to work on, the puzzles to to be had, right? Um and I have noticed that I have planned, planned, planned, planned, planned, planned, planned, planned, planned. And I very rarely get to enjoy the things that I have planned. And I um, you know how your iPhone gives you like past memories? There was something that came up from 2018, and I I got I started to deep dive into all my 2018 videos and posts from social media and like what what I what I was talking about and feeling and doing and thinking during that time, and it was interesting because um a lot of the things were things that um I wanna I want to be doing and I am doing right now. Um I just never have really stopped. I don't want to say never, but I rarely take the time to be like, wow, here I am, I'm in this moment. I'm living my life right now. Um, this is the thing, this is the trip that I plan for, this is the project that I planned. Here I am, I'm in it. Because normally I'm so into planning for the next thing and not experiencing life. And I was like, wow, there's all these like little moments that as I was scrolling through my phone that I I was there for, obviously. I captured a video of, I captured a photo of. Um, you know, one of the things was taking my son to the park that we used to live by. And those were really good memories. Like I I loved that time, but in those moments, I don't know how present I really was because I was thinking, oh my god, what are we gonna do for dinner? What what what's the NASA activity that we're gonna do? We're at the park today, what wow, how am I gonna entertain him tonight or tomorrow or next week, or thinking about, oh, I'm at the park, but I should be working on this project for work, or I should be doing this, and not really like just really melting into the moment. And so I don't wanna say that I'm cured by any means. Um, but that is definitely something that I have noticed and I have I feel like that has been something that I have made progress on. I have noticed that it's like, oh, I'm doing this more. I really got to enjoy that sweet moment. Um, one of the things is just like enjoying my morning ride to school with my son where we'll talk, he'll have a question. He always has really good questions. Um, or we'll listen to his kids' podcast that he likes to listen to, and we'll pause it and have a conversation about something we heard. And that's really, you know, not nothing exciting. We do it every day, but I really enjoy those little moments. I love that time um that I get to spend with him on the way to school and on the way back from school. And so um doing doing that, and I don't know that I really paid that much attention before, sadly, um, and how much I've missed. And um, that is absolutely an intention is to just be be where your feet are, right? I think there's some saying about that, and um, that is definitely a practice that I need to I it will be practice for me. Um, and it does not come naturally. And I know for a lot of us, um, we're either worrying about the past or worrying about the the future. Um it's it is, it's a challenge for all of us, regardless of our type, to live in the moment. Um, and so we'll just have to practice together in our own ways, getting there, right, based on what works for us. But that was one where I very much realized I actually do have a challenge around planning, planning, planning. And then also I feel like I'm gonna just recognize um some of that progress that I've made. And then the last one that I had here was around um where how I notice I'm stressed out. And there was an episode um at the end of the year. So if you haven't had a chance to listen to that one, go back. Um, because that that is a really good one, very informative about where your type, your specific type goes to in stress. So once we exhaust all of our type-specific coping strategies, defense mechanisms when we're stressed, um, when we're dealing with uncomfortable feelings, after we've exhausted those and those haven't worked, we'll make a lateral move to our stress arrow, our deintegration arrow, it's sometimes called. And for me, that is a type one. And I noticed that for whatever reason, I you know, again, it was probably like living so much in the future. Um, I was stressing myself out towards the end of this year, stressing myself out that I didn't know all the answers, that there were things I wanted to do, but I didn't know how they would turn out. Um, and then, you know, kind of kind of beating myself up about, oh, I always have a new idea, I always want to change things up, I really need to, I just can't commit, right? Um so kind of getting in a in a in a negative place, and um I noticed that I felt out of control with some things, and so there were some things that I I wanted to feel in control about, and so I would control meaningless things and um be get really rigid about certain things, and I felt that one energy um about and also that very harsh inner critic um was definitely there, and uh I I I mean, I guess the the takeaway for me there was just to to realize I I don't expect never to go there. I don't expect ever not to experience that um when I get stressed, but it was interesting to reflect more on and see, gosh, you know, I really do. It's so interesting, like how carefree and oh, I want to keep my options open and um I want to have the freedom of choice and flexibility in my schedule. And then when I get stressed out, it's like buckle down, I gotta do this routine. If I don't do it, I'm a I you know, I'm not not gonna be successful, um, or I'm a bad parent, or or or whatever it is. So just learning more about where I go in stress and then noticing and then trying to catch myself before I get you know overly controlling and not just make my life miserable, but other people around me. So um that was another thing that really was that I just saw in a little bit of a different light, especially um more recently towards the end of this year. So I don't know if you've noticed this, but I've recorded this podcast out on my back porch. It's it's chilly, um, but I bundled up and the sun is out and it just feels really good. And even though they weren't maybe the most listened to, it's interesting, the most um commented or I don't what's the word? I don't know that there's a verb. The episodes that I get reached out to the most about and the most fun comments are around the episodes that I've done. Um, I did one while I was walking, and then I did one, I think it was episode three where I talked about life as a type seven, and I recorded it out here as well on my back porch, and people really liked that. So I thought um this is a I'm considering this a bonus episode, kind of a 2021 reflection, um, for you to get to know me a little bit more, and then also just to understand, yeah, you're you're not the only one working on yourself. I'm right there with you. But I thought, oh, this would be kind of a fun one to do more casually out here. So um if you've heard the wind or birds chirping, um, I'm I'm hanging out on my back porch with you, just sitting here chilling out, talking with my hands, which are getting kind of chilly. So I'm gonna wrap it up. Um, but I do have an episode coming soon, um, very soon, about goal setting in your type. So keep an eye out for that one, both um, you know, how you'll thrive if you set your intentions with that, with the the type, the energy of your type, and then also some roadblocks to be aware of that may trip you up. I think that that is something that doesn't get talked about a lot is when we set intentions, that's one thing, but then it's also um we're gonna be more successful getting there, being the person that we want to be, if we can also go ahead and identify the roadblocks that tend to get in our way or that could get in our way, and then have some sort of a plan or be aware of them so we don't, you know, fall apart or crumble or you know, feel like, oh, well, the hit a roadblock, here we are. It's like, oh no, I was expecting this. Um, here's what I'm gonna do about it. Um, I could still stay the course. And so I do think that just understanding what our common roadblocks could be is really helpful too in getting us to where we want to go, um, both you know, specifically where we the type of person we want to be. So that's coming soon. And uh, I'm really excited for 2022. Um, I'm excited to get to know you more, to get to share more things about the Enneagram and in different ways, not just kind of textbook facts and information, but really putting some stories and and real life application and meaning to the Enneagram. So stay tuned for that. Um, thanks for being here and uh wishing you the best in 2022. I'll see you soon.